Nice informative article on those three baddies:
http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/fear.htmlWHAT IS FEAR?Fear plays a very important part in our daily life, and in human society as a whole. Fear comes in many shapes and forms, but it could be described as: an unpleasant feeling of perceived risk or danger, real or not. It functions to make us alert and ready for action while expecting specific problems.
As is often said, fear lies at the basis of all religions. At the time humans were gatherers and hunters, little was understood of the world around them, so without understanding the causes for many everyday experiences there is logically existential fear. In search for understanding the world around them, shamans and mystics tried to explain the world with invisible and incomprehensible aspects aspects like spirits, gods, nature itself, the sun and moon etc. which also gave the possibility to do something about 'the unexpected' by pleasing the gods and spirits with prayers and rituals. Later on, more advanced ideas and philosophies developed, and of course, organized religions.
Also Buddhism is to an extent based on fear; the fear of suffering. The historical Buddha went out on his spiritual quest when he realized that everybody is subject to discomfort, problems and pain, and with the goal to find a way to end it alltogether he discovered a 'way out'.
In fact, this is not too different from the main motivation to develop human civilization: we fear discomfort so we store food for more difficult times, we prepare ourselves for dangers like wild animals, or to defend ourselves from other humans. This fear of discomfort and attachement to comfort has driven humans in their development from a type of smart monkey to a creature that has gained control over nearly all other living beings on this planet.
Our most basic fear is the fear of death, which functions to make us alert in dangerous situations, and can thus be a very healthy emotion. But much less dramatic reasons of fear are found everywhere in our daily lives: 'Did I lock the house?', 'Isn't this food unhealthy?', 'Is my health insurance high enough?', 'Shouldn't my daughter be home yet?'. These worries can be based or quite baseless. Problematic types of fear can be when we are afraid of things that do not pose any real threat, like fear of spiders or large spaces. Fear and paranoia, together with attachment, craving and hatred are usually responsible for wars.
In all cases, we could say that fear is a reaction to something that may happen in the future, be it realistic or not, it is always uncomfortable. And here we find one of the contradictions of fear itself: it should work to keep us from discomfort, yet it is uncomfortable itself.Fear: a gift from Jan Theuninck
PROJECTIONAs fear is based on something that we think may happen in the future, it is clearly a mental process which tries to predict the future - in that sense, the reason of fear is a projection of our mind.
We can be afraid to fall, but once we are falling, we are afraid to hit the ground, once we hit the ground, we may fear we have a bad injury, once we know we have a bad injury, we may fear the pain and the consequences of not being able to work for some time or become disabled etc. So one could say that fear is always based on something that has not happened yet, and is therefore a fantasy of our mind rather than fact.
ADDICTION TO FEARSome people like fear, because in activities like riding a roller-coaster or during bunjee-jumping, we get an adrenaline-rush: a physical reaction to make us alert and ready for action - some people actually get addicted to this natural drug and get into extreme activities. This can easily lead to needing more dangerous situations more often, so they may tend to take ever increasing risks - until the parachute does not open, or the weather changes while climbing a steep, dangerous mountain slope......
SUFFERINGFear is generally a very uncomfortable feeling - Buddhists would call it therefore a form of suffering. We do not like to be afraid, but still, our fear can keep us from harm for example as it makes us hold back when we see a snake or a fast car straight in our direction. So, yes, we need to realize danger and be alert, but once we are alert, we cannot do much more than whatever we think is best in the situation.
If we let our fear take over completely, we can even 'freeze' and become completely helpless. Similarly, many of us are afraid for quite irrational things, meaning things that do not really pose any threat to us. For example, fear of spiders, small enclosed spaces or large spaces. Life can become really difficult, simply because illogical projections and delusions are taking over our normal, rational mind and small things can begin to determine our whole life. In that case, we can start to talk about having a phobia.
PHOBIAThe process of normal fear turning into phobia is very similar in Buddhist psychology to when anger turns into blind hatred or a liking of chocolate turns into addiction. The difference is in the levels of the fear. Initially, anger or fear may have a useful function in life (to protect ourselves from suffering), but they are both based on mental projections. When these projections grow into something like phobia, it only means that the mind is strongly exaggerating the situation. For whatever reason, our mind gets out of control, and it turns a spider into a monster or the height of a chair into a ravine. So the remedy to phobia cannot really lie in taking medicines, but must be to habituate our mind back to 'normal' reactions.
WESTERN THERAPIES - GENERAL APPROACHTherapies for irrational fears work on the same basic principle: discover by experience that the feeling of fear (paranoia) is an exaggeration of what we perceive in the world, and force our rational mind to keep in control of the emotion. So, if you are afraid of spiders, perhaps the cure starts with simply drawing them, then looking at a small one - far away locked in a safe place - then forcing yourself to go closer (the rational mind says that nothing can happen), in the end, usually the patients will regain so much control that can even hold a poisonous, hairy, huge tarantula in their hands - obviously the end of therapy! This is not because they are exceptionally brave people, but they have gradually learned to take control over their exaggerated emotions, by realizing these emotions were not based on a real danger.
In extreme cases, people can be much harder to treat. Specifically when the reason for the fear is vague and hardly known, like imagining that you are being followed (paranoia), it is not always straight-forward or simple to make people realize that these fears are unfounded and the rational mind should take control.
Many types of fear/phobia are identified, I found some in a web blog recently:
Common fears:
Acrophobia: Fear of heights
Arachnophobia: fear of spiders
Agoraphobia: fear of open spaces
Belonephobia: fear of needles
Brontophobia: fear of thunder and lightning
Claustrophobia: fear of confined spaces
Hamartophobia: fear of sinning
Suriphobia: fear of mice and/or rats
Necrophobia: fear of death
Pentheraphobia: fear of the mother-in-law
Thalassophobia: fear of the sea
Xenophobia: fear of strangers or foreigners
Also some fears may be more common than generally thought:
Athazagoraphobia - fear of being forgotten, ignored or forgetting
Atychiphobia, Kakorrhaphiophobia - fear of failure
Metathesiophobia - fear of changes
MY OWN FEAR OF HEIGHTSNaptime in Wasteland Yes, I was quite scared of heights when I was young. I knew it was unrealistic: "the building will not suddenly collapse when I come near the edge of the balcony, but I just don't want to go there: every step closer to the edge scares me more". It proved absolutely awful in something like a church tower: already the feeling on these endless spiral staircases gave a feeling of, "if I would fall now, I couldn't stop falling". At a certain moment, all realism completely disappeared, when I even got scared of towers when I was standing in the street, just looking up at them!
To someone who does not have this fear of heights this probably sounds absurd: and that is correct - it is an absurd way of thinking! And that is exactly the problem. The fear became bigger and bigger, until there was fear even without the possibility of falling.
The end of my exaggerated fear of heights I owe to my big brother; during a holiday he told me in no uncertain terms that I was behaving like a silly little baby if I would not dare to go on small tower on top of a pier in the sea. The pier was made of wood, and perhaps some 6 meters above the sea. He said, "now look, you dare to walk here, but already you are 6 meters above the sea - why don't you have problems here?" He was right - somehow I considered the pier as 'ground', so there was no fear of heights. Then he said, "look, the tower is only twice as high as the pier, if you manage to get on top there, you are a real man, and not a silly baby" - hard to argue against if you are about 10 years old.... So I walked up the stairs to the top with a heavy heart. Every few steps he said, "look down at the waves, see, you are hardly higher now". At the top, he told me to look over the railing, saying, "even if you fall off, you'll only fall in the water, and you can swim, so there is no problem even then". For me it worked, and from then on, I forced myself to ignore the strange feelings in my stomach while standing in a high place. All I have left now, is a healthy feeling of apprehension if I stand near a dangerous precipice or so, which is good: I should be careful in such a situation if I don't want to get killed.
Much later, I realised that most therapies against phobia work in a similar way, if you are scared of spiders, you are shown some photos and are asked to draw images of spiders, next you can gradually approach a spider in a terrarium, watch videos about spiders, and, lo and behold, after some time, most people manage to survive a big, hairy spider in their hand.
How does this work? Simply by rational thinking, calm and habituation - all important aspects of a complete meditation practice.
An excerpt of a forum message from Susie, which I discovered on Children's Past Lives:
"Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. And, the only way to get through fear is to face it head on. I also used to have a tremendous fear of both water and needles. I was 30 when I took swimming lessons, and learning to have the control in the water helped me to get rid of my fear of drowing (thus, my real fear was not of water but of drowning). I got rid of my fear of needles by simply breathing deeply when a medical or dental situation arose where needles were needed. I started off telling medical personnel I was afraid of needles, then they would be very gentle. Now, a needle is a needle is a needle..."
And from Kelly in the same discussion:
"Most fears and phobias can all be bought back to the same thing – a fear of not having control of a situation or aspect of self…the phobia then becomes a product of that fear, as we concentrate and focus all our energy on that one thing (or on many things in some cases)."
HEALTHY FEARFrom 'Fear and Desire' a movie by Stanley KubrickCan fear be healthy? Certainly, when it keeps you alert in a very dangerous situation for yourself or others!
In the Buddhist context, there is one type of fear we even need to cultivate: this is the fear that if we don't do anything about it, we will remain in the cycle of rebirth after rebirth in lives filled with problems and suffering. We may think we have miserable lives now, but just think about the situation of a pony in front of a cart in India, they get too little food to live, but too much to die and need to work their whole lives without a break or a chance of release - unless they die. Or simply think about the fact that a large part of the human species lives in miserable, poor conditions; the fact you can read this on the Internet generally proves that things are perhaps not that bad with you, if you would not have the money to eat, you would probably not have the money to sit behind a computer.
This long-term realistic fear of our future is one of the main drives behind wanting to achieve liberation and enlightenment, as this would be the one and only definitive end to our problems.
Fruit of Dharma Practice by the Tibetan yogi Milarepa "The fear of death and infernal rebirths
due to my evil actions has led me to practice
in solitude in the snowcapped mountains.
On the uncertainty of life's duration
and the moment of death I have deeply meditated
Thus have I reached the deathless, unshakable citadel
of realization of the absolute essence.
My fear and doubts have vanished like mist
into the distance, never to disturb me again.
I will die content and free from regrets.
This is the fruit of Dharma practice."
"Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear. When I was first married, my husband said I was one of the bravest people he knew. When I asked him why, he said because I was a complete coward but went ahead and did things anyhow."
Pema Chodron from "When things fall apart".
THE BUDDHIST APPROACH "The Buddha discovered how to conquer absolutely what man fears: he discovered a practical method, now called Buddhism, for eliminating suffering."
Ven. Buddhadasa Bhikkhu
The Buddhist therapy of treating exaggerated fears is probably not essentially different from the Western ways of treatment. Treatment is based on trying to see that fear is a form of suffering that we wish to get rid of, and using habituation and the control of our mind to dissolve irrational fears. It is only that Buddhism tries to take the solution of mental problems to their very end, to stop our very potential for suffering and problems by achieving liberation and enlightenment.
From: Dealing with Fear - Tonglen Practice by Ringu TulkuWhat frightens us most is the thought of being afraid. That is the greatest fear. Nothing puts us in more danger than our own mind and when what we are frightened of actually happens, it is never as bad as we imagined. There is no protection against fear. Even when we think that we have found some safety, we still wonder if our defenses are reliable and this uncertainty destroys our security. We create fear and we can uncreate it. It is a habit that can be broken. A good remedy against fear is to actively provoke it. Instead of feeling helpless we confront our worst fear. If you are frightened of losing something, give it away. If heights scare you, climb to a high place. If you are terrified of speaking in public, stand before an audience. This is the simplest way of mastering fear.
The ultimate fear is the fear of death, the loss of our ego and everything we have. In that sense, fear is nothing but a form of attachment, in this case to our life, our concept of 'self', and all our possessions etc. If we think about ourselves in terms of rebirth, suddenly death becomes a much less 'final end', it is only the end of this stage of existence, and after that a new stage will begin. Of course, as we are unsure about what will happen in that next life, we can easily become anxious and scared, but just fear will not be of any help at all. It becomes much more important to ensure that our next life will become a pleasant one, without too much suffering.
Most other types of fear are related to possible physical or mental pain, or loss of possessions. With the possibility of physical or mental pain in the future, we probably need to start working at it to prevent it from happening, rather than be frozen in our own miserable predictions and depression. So we should act, rather than crawl away. In the bigger perspective however, as long as we remain in the cycle of rebirth, we cannot escape suffering at all. We need to work to liberate ourselves from suffering. The highest type of this motivation is that we also want all other living beings to become free from suffering (the Mahayana motivation of Bodhicitta).
The fear of losing possessions (including 'our' family and loved ones) is simply a form of attachment, another delusion we all have, and which is a major reason to our 'holding on' to life, and a reason why we are reborn instead of liberated.
From the Dhammapada 212-216 (a collection of sayings of the Buddha):
"From what is dear, grief is born,
from what is dear, fear is born.
For someone freed from what is dear
there is no grief
-- so why fear?
From what is loved, grief is born,
from what is loved, fear is born.
For someone freed from what is loved,
there is no grief
-- so why fear?
From delight, grief is born,
from delight, fear is born.
For someone freed from delight
there is no grief
-- so why fear?
From sensuality, grief is born,
from sensuality, fear is born.
For someone freed from sensuality
there is no grief
-- so why fear?
From craving, grief is born,
from craving, fear is born.
For someone freed from craving
there is no grief
-- so why fear?"
Two letters by Lama Zopa Rinpoche to students - from Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive.
Fear of Flying
"Just before departure and during the flight, it is very good to recite the names of the ten directions’ Buddhas. If you keep on reciting the names, in whichever direction you are flying, if you recite that Buddha’s names and pay one-pointed attention to this, not only will you be free from danger, but your wishes will be fulfilled. So not only is this for safe travel, but for the successful fulfillment of whatever goals you had for going in that direction.
It is very good to pray not just for your own safety, but on behalf of all the people in the airplane—all 300 passengers and crew, or however many people there are—for them all to have a safe journey. Not only that, but you can pray that whoever this airplane carries may always be safe. It’s very good to pray like that."
Fear of SnakesA German woman had had a fear of snakes since she was a child. At the age of nine, she saw a smashed snake in her parents’ garden, and a woman in Germany, who was clairvoyant but not Buddhist, told her that in a former life she had destroyed people.
"You do not need clairvoyance. This is explained by karma. In a past life, after dying because of a snake killing you or dying out of fear of snakes, this often goes into the next life.
Some beings are born in a shape that gives fear to others. It is just like that. Often it is a result of anger. One did some unpleasant things to others, and now one fears the result.
Even I would run away when I see a snake. That is normal.
Think of the suffering of the snake: It has no chance. If it had a choice, it would take another form. The snake itself has a fear of eagles. Use the snake to generate compassion and to develop bodhicitta. If you had the opportunity, you would also choose another body, not a body that nobody likes. Snakes are very afraid, they hide themselves and disappear as soon as someone comes close.
Meditate on compassion, and you will reach enlightenment, by understanding the suffering of the snake. Now the snake becomes so compassionate. Now the snake is actually giving you enlightenment, and you are able to liberate all sentient beings. When you have compassion and bodhicitta, no snake can give you harm.
For example, when St. Francis of Assisi met a dangerous wolf, the wolf actually lay down on its back. St. Francis tamed the wolf’s mind by the power of his compassion. He told the wolf to stop harming others, and the wolf did. No being could harm St. Francis of Assisi; even the elements such as fire and water can be controlled by the power of compassion."
HANDLING UNREALISTIC FEARBelow is a summary of various approaches to fear. They obviously will be most efficient when used with a calm and concentrated mind, either during meditation or at the moment you realize that something needs to be done about your fear. Obviously, the problem during an actual fearful situation is to have a calm and concentrated mind - a regular meditation practice can be of great help then! One of the best ways to really make progress with understanding and changing the functioning of our own mind is to try out analytical meditation, combined with the following kind of ideas.
"Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain." Mark Twain
ANTIDOTE 1 - AcceptanceMeditate with these kind of thoughts, without expecting this thought to change anything about the effect fear has on myself:, I know fear exist, I know it's making my life tougher then it needs to be, but it is not only me that has to deal with it, fear is a problem for all beings, big and small.
“The presence of fear means only that fear is present, and nothing more,”
Zen Buddhist teacher Suzanne Segal
ANTIDOTE 2 - Imagine the WorstFrom StillingWave in a discussiongroup:
"Sometimes rats get into my house, because I live near a river and leave my back door open. I would lay awake wondering where they were, with irrational fears of them deciding to nibble on my toes. What I eventually did, was just let my imagination run full force. I'd purposely invoked thoughts of hundreds of rats coming and biting me, and me getting up and going to the hospital. Then I'd imagine the hospital telling me that they rats gave me some horrible disease they couldn't cure, and I was going to die. Or they were going to have to amputate all my limbs. I'd explore this fear in detail, and wear out every aspect of it.
The idea being, allow the worse of you fears to be realized. Don't allow them to wait in the shadows of your mind. What I found, was once I did this with one thing and saw the result. I started searching my mind for the really horrible repressed memories, the kind that make you twitch, when even a glimmer of them would begin to show. If you start seeing a little memory coming to the surface, even when you aren't prepared, grab it and yank it out and bring the roots with it. Be in control of it, be the one allowing it to the surface. Look right at it, and explore all the aspects of it you were always afraid to.
All that said. I still have things I haven't faced, and stuff I'm still fearful of... however, I got a lot less of them now, then I had before. Plus the ones I have now, don't have quite the same sting to them."
ANTIDOTE 3 - Realization of the Noble Truth of Suffering.Once one understands that problems and frustration is a basic fact of life, it can reduce our expectation that life without problems is possible. In other words: nothing is perfect, so don't expect it. Because of my belief that things can be perfect, it is easy to feel hurt. Deeply realizing that things can and will go wrong, I should try to avoid negative actions, they are the real (karmic) reasons for the problems.
ANTIDOTE 4 - Understanding Karma.As explained in the page on Karma, the real reasons for our problems are our own actions, which are in turn caused by our own negative states of mind. If something threatens to go wrong, it has a sobering effect if we dare to think that the real reasons for this situation are our own past actions, and the this is just a circumstance for our own negative karma to ripen. Rather than fearing the future, we need to avoid negative actions that create our own problems.
ANTIDOTE 5 - Changing or Accepting.Basically, we can find ourselves in two types of unpleasant situations: ones we can change and ones we cannot change.
- If I can change the situation, I should do something about it instead of getting all upset. Not acting in such a situation will cause frustration in the end.
- If I cannot change the situation, I will have to accept it. If I don't, it will only lead to frustration and a negative and unpleasant state of mind, which will make the situation only worse.
For some reasons unclear to me, Westerners (including myself) appear to have big problems with accepting unpleasant situations which we cannot change. Could this be a result of impatience (a form of anger) with imperfection (an unrealistic expectation)?
ANTIDOTE 6 - Realistic Analysis.What am I really afraid of? If it is about losing someone or something: have a look at the attachment page.
Am I afraid of being hurt - is this idea logical and realistic? If yes, take action to avoid it, if no, try to gradually get control over this unrealistic habit of the mind: this is a very unpleasant feeling, and the only way I can get rid of it is to stand up to it! You could have a look at the page on self-confidence. Analytic meditation can be a very effective process to overcome unrealistic emotions like fear. Also, I find this quote by Ambrose Redmoon quite interesting to reflect upon: "Courage is the judgment that something is more important than fear."
ANTIDOTE 7 - Realization of Emptiness.See the page on Wisdom. To summarize it briefly, if one deeply realizes the emptiness of inherent existence or interdependence of the other person, the situation and oneself, there is nothing to be afraid of. The realization of emptiness is therefore the ultimate means of ridding oneself of unrealistic negative emotions like fear.
ANTIDOTE 8 - Take Responsibility for Your ProblemsFear is something that our own mind creates, so only our own mind can do something about it! Exaggerated fears can have their basis in wrong decisions or experiences as a child, try to find out what caused the problem to begin with, and it may gradually dissolve. Also, admit your own suffering because of your fears and get help! Do not let the fear of being afraid turn your life into misery.
If you are afraid of the therapy that can cure you from your paranoia of spiders, simply because they will talk about spiders, you have chosen to feel miserable for the rest of your life. Think about your self-confidence perhaps...
ANTIDOTE 9 -Taking and giving meditation (Tong-len)See the description of this type of meditation; in this case, you can imagine taking all the fear of others unto yourself and give courage and protection to others. This meditation is really a mind-blower; if do try it seriously you will probably notice its incredile power to change our own attitude.
