I was torn where to put this little vignette: is it about death? shakti? birth? pure and unadulterated awe? So I've added it to the current portal here, as one of my many bids onto the Path. This one occured in April, 2006.
Night of Terrible Beauty
I flew yesterday, from California to Virginia, west coast to east coast, Pacific Ocean to Atlantic Ocean, usa. In that flight, I don't have to get off the plane, but we have a 30-minute layover in Las Vegas.
We had a slight delay getting out of Las Vegas, but I was happy reading my book, quite relaxed, and not paying much attention. I was reaching down into my purse for my peppermints, and suddenly got a flash of all the contents of my purse scattered on a field, after a crash. It was so vivid I almost hollered, "Uh, let me off the plane please." We were in a line of planes at that point, taxi-ing for the runway. I talked myself out of the utterance, quickly inducing the state of mind I had prior to the flash. I've gotten to be a real pro about these flights, having made so many of them now, and I chalked the flash up to some momentary craziness.
I'll cut to one chase here and tell you that no, we didn't crash, but we definitely had what I perceived as a treacherous time period. A near-miss.
At about 22:30, for over 30 minutes, we flew parallel to the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I was gasping and screeching and saying, "Oh my god" a lot, as I hunkered down in my seat, in order to look straight out of the window for this entire time. It was happening south of us, and we were flying east, between Cincinatti, Ohio, and Kentucky.
Where we actually were flying, conditions were crystal clear. You could look down and see the jewelled lights of the cities on the ground, with no obstructing clouds. And above the thing, this armaggeddon confined to the area lighting up the skies:: a peaceful, starry night.
When it caught my attention, I initially thought there were fireworks going on in some city -- the light was yellow and orange. Then I realized we were at 30,000 feet altitude, and that fireworks would register as hardly more than specks to our visual range. This thing was happening at our altitude. In an expanse of clouds, lightning was at its origin. Some thin bolts, some massive bolts, lighting up yellow, orange, and pink. Each time a bolt flashed, you could see the outline of the clouds forming within the endless expanse ... and several times, tornadoes!! You could see the tops of the funnels, and there were several funnels ... some wider than others. The funnels definitely seemed to be in conversation with one another, apparent when the thing was lit up. It was the most beautiful play I've ever seen. If I ever get proficient at painting, I hope to attempt to convey what I saw, for I'll never forget it.
The uncanny thing is that it was relentless. It wouldn't stop. It looked like bombs going off, it looked like the end of the world. A storm passes, and when one is experiencing one on the ground, the duration is relatively short --- this thing kept on and on and on. I don't exaggerate the length of time it was at our right. Considering the speed we were going, we should have only glanced it for a few brief minutes, but it kept up with us, for 30 minutes.
As angry as it was, though, it was breathtakingly beautiful. And I knew how cruel it was to find it so. (Many died on the ground, especially in Tennessee, from the ravage of these tornadoes.)
Then, we flew into its front wall.
In the midst of the front wall, the pilot announced that even the flight attendants should take cover -- I mean, take their seat, heh. I love the euphemisms in flying lore. He told us, very cheerfully, that "a storm had blown some winds in front of us". I marvelled to myself, "yeah, a 'little storm'"! More like armageddon.
Anyway, this was some serious turbulence, and naturally, I thought back to the flash I had had, of my purse's contents on the ground. But more importantly, I kept thinking that this is the moment in which I will die. Will I be ready? Am I ready?
We talk a lot about being warriors, about death being our advisor, about burning the fire from within, but when the moment (or at least the perceived moment) presents itself, in the real, what do we do? Do we panic? Does fear rule?? Fear can be so distracting.
I had the presence of mind to think of something someone had said a while back, about walking into one's double at the moment of death, and I realized, for me, the image is still fuzzy. I have glimpses, I have several characters portrayed, I have many dreams, but the image is not clear enough or viable enough for me to use it in the perilous moment. I must devote everything to working on that, from here on, until I can at will bring up the image and make a connection. I have much Work to do.
In the perilous moment, as things stand now, all I can think about is spirit. And a few loved ones.
As we were being jostled about, going through these "winds", I realized that were I to die in that moment, I would literally be scattered to them. Some folks wouldn't find that idea so unappealing, but I did finally come to this conclusion: it's not what I want for me.
By the time I came to this conclusion, up there in the skies, the turbulence passed, and our groundview was the watery Virginia, full of its stop-and-starts.
Many jewelled lights.
Addendum, October/2009: After my mother died a few months ago, I find myself back in the stance of I-don't-know-how-I-view-this anymore.