When I first began reading the books, I was taken aback on your person must die, and you must leave everyone behind for the journey. I was like, why? I read people will pin you down and so forth. I thought nope, not gonna do it. Not gonna leave people behind.
However over the years I have begun to understand these statements. I have seen reactions from family especially, trying to pin me down into some weak position. That they somehow have my best interest at heart. Telling me I need them. Describing how I am and from within I am saying to myself "These people really don't know me at all."
But upon standing up for myself, this is where the resistance really began. And this opened my eyes to what the books really said. The reaction to standing up for myself when younger even with one was met with almost violence. But even recently upon having to do this again with another family member, was met with a lot of anger and exasperation. Ultimately a choice must be made. To be pinned down, or break free. And if you cant break free of family and friends for your freedom, how on earth can you break free from an indescribable force? So I have reconciled with the books my original doubts, and original disagreements with what they said. No it is not easy. But my freedom is more important. So I have lost some along the way, but I have found, to break the shackles, that is is ultimately necessary. If in not free 'here' then I wont be free anywhere. And I will not be able to break other shackles placed on me come what may. I feel for other warriors in this position. Having to let go is one of the hardest things we may have to do. But I have found that somehow, an energy is created around us, and we do change along the path with experience, so our persona may not groove with people anymore. Some want you weak so they can manipulate you and control you. When you stand up, they lose power and become enraged. It is crazy but true.
Hopefully others do not have to encounter what I have. I have thought about doing something crazy, like walking the Pacific Coast Trail like the Wild girl did, or going into India and throwing myself in a crowd of madness. LOL. I eventually will figure out what the next step is.
Dont let people pin you down. At any price. To be free is what we know, what we crave, and what we love. Ultimately it has been worth it for me. A weight lifted off. But course it is never easy.
