Topic: An Observation

[Changling]

As my mother becomes old and infirm, the thought has come to me that we lose a grip on our subtlety and guile, the older we get. If we continue the habit of guile, though, our efforts become less skilled, more haphazard, and more transparent. Hence, we lose our hope of dignity.

This observation has led me to steel in my intent to develop the habit of saying exactly what I mean -- not masked in cleverness and other disguise. For now I know that cleverness is an empty thing, which sustains nothing.

[daphne]

Thats an interesting observation. Do you think that it is the 'habit of guile' that becomes less subtle and more transparent as we reach that 4th enemy of old age; or do you think that it is in the eyes of the perceiver (so to speak)? That the 'guile' has become more recognizable? Don Juan himself seemed quite a 'guily' (sp?) character. Perhaps one can age without becoming 'old and infirm'? We may not beat that last enemy, but we can certainly give it a good run for the money!!

[Changling]

Thats an interesting observation. Do you think that it is the 'habit of guile' that becomes less subtle and more transparent as we reach that 4th enemy of old age; or do you think that it is in the eyes of the perceiver (so to speak)? That the 'guile' has become more recognizable?

I think that our cued-in-ness to our surroundings begins to falter, and we do become less skilled than we might have been. What I'm thinking of here are instances of senility, old-age dementia, and the like. I've watched my mother, who is aware (how frustrating for her) that her awareness has changed. She is often paranoid now at times, knowing that her net is not the same.

Or, she continues on with her habits of being indirect and a bit manipulative, but she has lost her bottom, so to speak.

The answer, I think, is to be direct!

 

Don Juan himself seemed quite a 'guily' (sp?) character. Perhaps one can age without becoming 'old and infirm'? We may not beat that last enemy, but we can certainly give it a good run for the money!!

Yes, Don Juan was never old and infirm, was he?  Spry to the very end, on all levels!   

[daphne]

The answer, I think, is to be direct!

For a great many years I was a master at avoiding being direct; a learned reflex. Coming out of that was difficult, but not insurmountable. Now-a-days I chose whether to be direct or not. The difference for me is that I am not hiding my indirectness (should I chose to be so) from myself, rather choosing it as a mode of action. There are times that I lapse into previous patterns, and there are times that i don't.
I rather like the choice that awareness of that gives me.

Of  course.. it often depends on whom I being direct or indirect with!    I suppose it shouldn't really.. though often I am rather wary of the "well.. I'm just being direct" approach. Kindof like the "well.. I'm just being honest" approach.
This of course, relates only to my own experiences..

I don't know much about senility et al, and what effect previous patterns of behaviour have on that. What I have noticed though amongst the 'elderly' is a sort of 'concentration' of particular traits that remain when others may have gone; perhaps the  traits are no longer in competition with each other and so the 'stronger' ones take hold?

[Michael]

I read this one out to Julie, as she is in the thick of mother stuff - she yes, and told me I will have to watch that.

[Changling]

I hope I don't appear disrespectful or insensitive to my mother's condition. She knows she has it, and it's a source of grief to her. She once prided herself on her keen wit and sense of humour.

One wonders if the aspects the angels take away are the ones in which we took pride. Perhaps pride is the problem, ultimately.

And what would pride be? Attachment -- attachment to a certain image of self.

[Changling]

I watch myself, for over the years I have picked up this glib habit of smart-aleck remarks. When I'm around her, I'm keen to stalk self for the things I say.

What do I do gratuitously, habitually --- mindlessly?

[daphne]

What do I do gratuitously, habitually --- mindlessly?

That's something that I have been looking at now, too. Perhaps its the 'mindless' habits that get reinforced as we age, unless we bring some consciousness to it?