What am supposed to do with you Nik. You resent anyone who thinks they know more than you, yet you yearn for understanding.
You know Nik, a lot of this path is about our own effort to ponder unfathomable truths. There is no quick answer, no easy way to reset the universe to position ourselves at the centre. This is a long path, but we can't progress along it without considerable effort.
Try this: what did the man mean when he said: (you should know this question, as you know English, because it comes from a famous book set in Greece)
"Which are you drinking? The Water or the Wave?"