Soma

Sacred Earth => The Forest, the Wilderness [Public] => Topic started by: tangerine dream on December 16, 2008, 05:04:37 AM

Title: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: tangerine dream on December 16, 2008, 05:04:37 AM: A few years ago, Michael recommended a book for me to read "Cave in the Snow" by Tenzin Palmo. It's a great book, I highly recommend it.

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In 1976 Diane Perry, by then known by her Tibetan name, Tenzin Palmo, secluded herself in a remote cave, 13,200 feet up in the Himalayas, cut off from the world by mountains and snow. There she engaged in twelve years of intense Buddhist meditation. She faced unimaginable cold, wild animals, near-starvation and avalanches; she grew her own food and slept in a traditional wooden meditation box, three-feet-square-she never lay down. Her goal was to gain Enlightenment as a woman

You can read more here (http://www.4ui.com/eart/8eart.htm).

Shortly after reading that book, a series of (seemingly unfortunate) events led to me to leave my life and home and all I knew drive clear across the Country, thousands of miles, and start a fresh new life. Brand new. No home, no possessions aside from what I packed into the trunk of the car, no food, no money, no friends and no family. Just me and the kids (and derek).

It's been almost two years, two Christmases that we have been here and these times have been tough at best. We started out with nothing and while it was a good learning experience in more than one way, it was difficult and often times I felt myself sad, or resentful or wishing I had not made the choice to go so far away.

It's true, we've met new people and have some good connections here now, too but you can never really replace the ones you love. And so often times I'd get homesick, depressed.

I was riding the bus yesterday, and as often happens it became a magical ride for me. I was thinking, in a semi-meditative state, going over my life and events recently , reliving what I had learned and wondering where I was.

I am in Thunder Bay Ontario. Ontario...

So weird to be in another Province, thousands of miles away from home. So weird the thought of this Country, this Earth, the apparent size of it all, though it sometimes feels so small. So weird to be displaced, among strangers. So weird. I wondered what was the point. Where am I, really? What was it all for?

Suddenly a series of signs and billboards began to give me the answers I had been searching for. As if placed in front of my eyes by special secret forces, just as I needed to see them, these strange answer giving signs appeared.

I saw a sign for a Pharmacy that said "Rite Aid: Keeping you healthy." Just as I was wondering why I was here, so far away from my family. And I realized then that I had healing I needed to do and that healing might not have been possible to carry out where I was at that time. I needed to work on me. But still I wondered, why the need to move so far, so far away....

The next sign I saw came at the perfect time, too. It was a sign all about "Family, yours and ours." I then realized that I needed to separate myself from my family in order to fully heal those parts of myself that were deeply connected to my family, through traumas and events and connected in my memory and the collective memory of my family and our ancestors. I couldn't have done that, had I remained so close to my family, so deeply connected to them and our pasts.

The next sign I saw was on the side of a store, I didn't catch the name of the store, but the sign spoke of caves.
It was all coming together for me now. All starting to make so much sense. The signs, giant pictures told a sotry of my life, my journey from then to now.

Thunder Bay is like my cave. I am alone, secluded, with not much contact with the outside world, friends or family. Coming to Thunder Bay was like a sabbatical for me. A time away from time, like being in a cave, to meditate and dream and heal my inner self.

The last sign I saw simply said "Snow"....

Snow....

One word:
S N O W

That one word was enough.

Riding along on the bus that day, I had realized the purpose of my journey. The reason for my trip across this great and beautiful land to Thunder Bay Ontario. Despite all the set backs and ups and downs that brought me to where I am today, there was a very good reason for my journey across the Country.

The reason for this journey was so that I could have my own Cave in the Snow.
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: tangerine dream on December 16, 2008, 05:05:31 AM: (http://www.adventureout.com/blog/uploaded_images/goeliner-SnowCaveView-788156.jpg)
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: tangerine dream on December 16, 2008, 05:06:26 AM: Strangely, my kids are outside right now building their own little snow tunnel/cave in our front yard!

I love it when their daily actions, and sometimes words synchronize with my work on the Path. Even though we don't often talk about it, they still seem to know.
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: nichi on December 16, 2008, 05:46:34 AM: Quote
The reason for this journey was so that I could have my own Cave in the Snow.

That's so great, L! I like your descriptions of the process, too ... reading the signs! Magnifique!
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: tangerine dream on December 16, 2008, 06:17:17 AM: Quote from: nichi on December 16, 2008, 05:46:34 AM
That's so great, L! I like your descriptions of the process, too ... reading the signs! Magnifique!

Thanks!

I like the signs, too. I've come to value them as a kind of fortune telling method, billboard and street sign 'scrying', heh.
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: Jahn on December 16, 2008, 06:50:54 AM: Quote from: dream on December 16, 2008, 05:04:37 AM
A few years ago, Michael recommended a book for me to read "Cave in the Snow" by Tenzin Palmo. It's a great book, I highly recommend it.

/.../

Thunder Bay is like my cave. I am alone, secluded, with not much contact with the outside world, friends or family. Coming to Thunder Bay was like a sabbatical for me. A time away from time, like being in a cave, to meditate and dream and heal my inner self.
/.../

The reason for this journey was so that I could have my own Cave in the Snow.

It is great that you share the journey of yours and that you find a good sense why you are there, here and now. It gets me happy to hear that you have such a good connection to your self.

To go by bus has the kind of same effects on me. I suppose it has to do with the great relax, to become a passenger instead of a driver. I like driving too but going by bus gives other opportunities. On short tours from home to downtown or backwards I study the passengers. It is so much fun. Every one has their own story and personality and I really like to study them with a glance or two. There are a lot of students from the Tech faculty and immigrants (women of all ages) on our buses and that are people that one do not see much of in other situations. just an association.
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: tangerine dream on December 16, 2008, 09:16:31 AM: Quote from: Jamir on December 16, 2008, 06:50:54 AM

To go by bus has the kind of same effects on me. I suppose it has to do with the great relax, to become a passenger instead of a driver. I like driving too but going by bus gives other opportunities. On short tours from home to downtown or backwards I study the passengers. It is so much fun. Every one has their own story and personality and I really like to study them with a glance or two. There are a lot of students from the Tech faculty and immigrants (women of all ages) on our buses and that are people that one do not see much of in other situations. just an association.

I like to do that, too. Watch people on the bus and 'hear' them.

If I am especially open I can 'diagnose' them with my empathy. I don't like to do that, though because I feel as though I am cementing something that might not necessarily be true.

But I tested myself one day, I was getting all kinds of messages every time someone new got on the bus. These would usually be an instant impulse then translated into words, or a physical feeling in a specific area of my body.

There was one lady in particular that got on the bus and the first thing I got was lung cancer. She began talking to the lady beside her and I listened. Turns out she had just had surgery a few months prior for a broken hip. I was disappointed, thought I had gotten it all wrong. Until, further in the conversation the lady explained that she had fallen and broken her hip only a little while after she had finished receiving radiation treatments (for lung cancer). Of course I wasn't happy to hear this, but it's these little things that teach me to trust myself.

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It is great that you share the journey of yours and that you find a good sense why you are there, here and now. It gets me happy to hear that you have such a good connection to your self.

;D
Thanks Jamir!
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: Michael on December 16, 2008, 02:31:34 PM: I recently discovered that Tenzin Palmo's recluse was not that far up in the Himalayas. She had a spot, just over the Rotang Pass from Manali. On the Northern side, which gets cut off during winter, so they don't appreciate any strangers to have to feed who get caught on the wrong side.

She had her spot, very high up just near this area - she was definitely way up into yogin country. About half way to where she lived, there is a little hut/house that some elderly woman from US (I think) lives in, with a little garden - she is devout, but not doing anything like Tenzin (though you never know). Nonetheless where she was living was quite remote, and yet still civilised - a perfect place for some like those here to retire to.

That's a good series of reflections and realisations Lori - you can see the pull of your family and friends is very strong inside you, so the only answer is to remove yourself completely, until you complete the task of stabilising your centre. I also like how you employ the signs in your reflections.
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: Jennifer- on December 17, 2008, 12:36:06 AM: Quote from: dream on December 16, 2008, 05:05:31 AM
(http://www.adventureout.com/blog/uploaded_images/goeliner-SnowCaveView-788156.jpg)

We could build tunnels from your snow cave to mine! :)

Lovely sharing Lori Ann.. thank you! I admire your strength and power to leap into the unknown... your reflective nature of seeking within and the connection you hold to your outer world like a secret mirror to the inside.

You are also giving your children a precious gift.

You are a pleasure to love.

Namaste'
Title: Re: My Cave in the Snow
Post by: tangerine dream on December 17, 2008, 03:24:48 AM: :-*
Thank you

Love you all so much!