Topic: the price paid

[nichi]

"My fear was that through stupidity I would lose my chance to be free and I would repeat my father's life.

"There was nothing wrong with my father's life, mind you. He lived and died no better and no worse than most men; the important point is that my assemblage point had moved and I realized one day that my father's life and death hadn't amounted to a hill of beans, either to others or to himself.

"My benefactor told me that my father and mother had lived and died just to have me, and that their own parents had done the same for them. He said that warriors were different in that they shift their assemblage points enough to realize the tremendous price that has been paid for their lives. This shift gives them the respect and awe that their parents never felt for life in general, or for being alive in particular."

CC
TFFW
 

[nichi]

This hasn't been true in my experience ... that is to say, both my parents had/have a mad, lusting zeal for their lives -- and life in general.

Wonder where this puts me in the realm of 'warriors', heheh...
I really hesitate to say of anyone that one's life did not amount to a "hill of beans". 

[daphne]

"One of the greatest forces in the lives of warriors is fear, it spurs them to learn."

TFFW

[daphne]

I really hesitate to say of anyone that one's life did not amount to a "hill of beans". 

Rather like our appendix or tonsils eh? At one time it was thought that little if any purpose was served by those organs and so they were removed rather willy-nilly at the first opportunity. Today, I read somewhere recently, that medical science is reviewing that hypothesis; that they may perhaps have a purpose after all..

[Michael]

well, i understand it.

like two sides of the one coin, there are two ways of seeing our actions and our lives.

it is all about the viewing point.

many have had trouble with the words of mine about the 'terror of the situation'.

When we look at the intense fear, indeed horror, of the consequences of losing our precious opportunity. From that realisation, the 'hill of beans' seems like extreme kindness.

[erismoksha]

Life is a gift.

[daphne]

"My fear was that through stupidity I would lose my chance to be free and I would repeat my father's life.

"There was nothing wrong with my father's life, mind you. He lived and died no better and no worse than most men; the important point is that my assemblage point had moved and I realized one day that my father's life and death hadn't amounted to a hill of beans, either to others or to himself.

"My benefactor told me that my father and mother had lived and died just to have me, and that their own parents had done the same for them. He said that warriors were different in that they shift their assemblage points enough to realize the tremendous price that has been paid for their lives. This shift gives them the respect and awe that their parents never felt for life in general, or for being alive in particular."

CC
TFFW
 

I've been coming back to this one, V. There really is a lot in it, something different pops up each time I reread it. 
Thanks for giving me something to chew on! 

[daphne]

When we look at the intense fear, indeed horror, of the consequences of losing our precious opportunity. From that realisation, the 'hill of beans' seems like extreme kindness.

Yes. I find nothing is quite as good a spur as 'fear', and here I am talking about a 'fear' that (for me anyway) feels different to what is often bandied about as 'fear'.

I have been in somewhat of a limbo lately. My son is about to leave - in a week. It is something I have looked forward to and worked much for; his 'independence' of me. I feel my journey is about to take on a different colour now. The 'limbo' feels like I am holding in stasis, or holding something back, as if I am too 'fearful' in some way to overly examine "what next". And yet there is a kind of tantalizing anticipation too. It is a new "feeling" and so all I can do is revert to previously experienced, and labeled, feelings - though it does feel different.
At the moment, I am taking one day at a time - with all these feelings hovering around.

[Michael]

ah, daphne, at last the moment comes.
how exciting. this is a big deal for you, and your son.

i wish him great luck!

and some deep changes for you.

[Jennifer-]

Well said M, I agree!!

A whole 'new' life awaits for you very soon Daphne and for your son, much love toward stepping into the unknown without holding on.

Blessings, little coyote

[Jahn]

Daphne, I wish you the beneficial effect of that mother-son "release" of yours.