A few years ago, Michael recommended a book for me to read "Cave in the Snow" by Tenzin Palmo. It's a great book, I highly recommend it.
In 1976 Diane Perry, by then known by her Tibetan name, Tenzin Palmo, secluded herself in a remote cave, 13,200 feet up in the Himalayas, cut off from the world by mountains and snow. There she engaged in twelve years of intense Buddhist meditation. She faced unimaginable cold, wild animals, near-starvation and avalanches; she grew her own food and slept in a traditional wooden meditation box, three-feet-square-she never lay down. Her goal was to gain Enlightenment as a woman
You can read more
here .
Shortly after reading that book, a series of (seemingly unfortunate) events led to me to leave my life and home and all I knew drive clear across the Country, thousands of miles, and start a fresh new life. Brand new. No home, no possessions aside from what I packed into the trunk of the car, no food, no money, no friends and no family. Just me and the kids (and derek).
It's been almost two years, two Christmases that we have been here and these times have been tough at best. We started out with nothing and while it was a good learning experience in more than one way, it was difficult and often times I felt myself sad, or resentful or wishing I had not made the choice to go so far away.
It's true, we've met new people and have some good connections here now, too but you can never really replace the ones you love. And so often times I'd get homesick, depressed.
I was riding the bus yesterday, and as often happens it became a magical ride for me. I was thinking, in a semi-meditative state, going over my life and events recently , reliving what I had learned and wondering where I was.
I am in Thunder Bay Ontario. Ontario...
So weird to be in another Province, thousands of miles away from home. So weird the thought of this Country, this Earth, the apparent size of it all, though it sometimes feels so small. So weird to be displaced, among strangers. So weird. I wondered what was the point. Where am I, really? What was it all for?
Suddenly a series of signs and billboards began to give me the answers I had been searching for. As if placed in front of my eyes by special secret forces, just as I needed to see them, these strange answer giving signs appeared.
I saw a sign for a Pharmacy that said "Rite Aid: Keeping you healthy." Just as I was wondering why I was here, so far away from my family. And I realized then that I had healing I needed to do and that healing might not have been possible to carry out where I was at that time. I needed to work on me. But still I wondered, why the need to move so far, so far away....
The next sign I saw came at the perfect time, too. It was a sign all about "Family, yours and ours." I then realized that I needed to separate myself from my family in order to fully heal those parts of myself that were deeply connected to my family, through traumas and events and connected in my memory and the collective memory of my family and our ancestors. I couldn't have done that, had I remained so close to my family, so deeply connected to them and our pasts.
The next sign I saw was on the side of a store, I didn't catch the name of the store, but the sign spoke of caves.
It was all coming together for me now. All starting to make so much sense. The signs, giant pictures told a sotry of my life, my journey from then to now.
Thunder Bay is like my cave. I am alone, secluded, with not much contact with the outside world, friends or family. Coming to Thunder Bay was like a sabbatical for me. A time away from time, like being in a cave, to meditate and dream and heal my inner self.
The last sign I saw simply said "Snow"....
Snow....
One word:
S N O W
That one word was enough.
Riding along on the bus that day, I had realized the purpose of my journey. The reason for my trip across this great and beautiful land to Thunder Bay Ontario. Despite all the set backs and ups and downs that brought me to where I am today, there was a very good reason for my journey across the Country.
The reason for this journey was so that I could have my own Cave in the Snow.
