There is an old Buddhist story from China, where two men, Bob and Steve, had been acolytes together in their younger days, learning the Way at various monasteries. They were much like us in Soma, belonging to the same spirit family.
Many years later, after they had both gone separate ways to practice their path, Bob, now a wandering monk, was passing the village where he knew Steve lived. He thought to drop in and see Steve, but as he approached his front gate, Bob noticed a row of shoes lined up. Immediately recognising what this meant, disappointedly, he turned silently away and walked on down the road.
But Steve, inside with his students, saw Bob approach then walk on. Quickly he ran out and caught up with him. "Why didn't you come in Bob?" he asked, "I have been longing to see you again." Whereupon Bob replied, "If we don't challenge each other, to keep us on the Way, who will?"
Soma is a safe place, but that was never meant to mean a place of molly coddling. It is precisely because it is safe, because we are a spirit family, that we can challenge each other in Soma. Those who practice the Way need resilience, not cotton wool.
I haven't said anything about this latest spat of biffo amongst us, because you are all now perfectly capable of standing up for yourselves. Naturally there will be times in here when we challenge each other. It is an obligation - if we don't who will? In all normal families, you will find family members are far more honest and direct with each other than they would be with outsiders. It's in the family where we can speak our mind, precisely because of the underlying safety - a deeper sense of respect and love that lies beneath the surface waves.
But families can also split apart with antagonism when that deeper respect and love is not acknowledged. It's not enough to prove to yourself that another has the guts to stand up for their style, or to prove to yourself that you can withstand accusations, warranted or not, without being defeated in soul.
We also have to acknowledge each other, respect that others have their own Way and style. There is no purpose in carrying your fight beyond a mutual sphere of personal learning - there are no victories or defeats in practising the Way.
But these challenges are personal - they have to be, because spiritual growth is personal. If you feel another is straying from the Way, then it's a personal matter, and we are obligated to share our concerns, that is honest communication. But when that person responds, accepts or rejects the criticism, then the deeper relationship of personal healing has to occur. We can never be so arrogant as to assume we know what is always best for another. Once they have acknowledged our concerns, then it is their responsibility to reflect.
It is our responsibility, as a genuine practitioner or the Way, to extend our unconditional love towards our spirit brothers and sisters, regardless of whether we agree with their style of walk, because in the end, if that love isn't there, no sharing is possible.
So step up and shake hands, as some have already done. It was fine fight, and now renew your friendship in spirit.
