I'm sure some may say 'who, it should be what' and all that, but in the end, who is really us. Ive always known that. Same thing like the Tao, which ive said about anything and everything 'not two and one, both two and one.' Soul and Spirit, that fusing is necessary if we ever wish to grow into anything - and maybe at least have a final 'say' in the direction we go on the path. Just like with Merton's snippet I did on the Divine Union - thats all it is, our 'soul' fused with 'spirit.' Not being separate from each other. The 'as above, so below' become one 'thing.'
Course in doing that, over time bit by bit, spirit seems to eradicate the "I" more and more. "I" am just a dream, me, my 'me' this impermenent self. Thats what buddha was talking about. It can feel rather disturbing, like Chaung Tzu was traumatised by his butterfly dream. A butterfly in some form is dreaming me. I think the only way, that we can get that fusing, is when the ego-self, the 'dream' character really, finally surrenders to the futility of struggling for its own existence, as an independent character in the story.
I know have the thread about 'killing the ego,' but of course, we dont kill it, actually. We would like to take a hammer to the bastard (LOL Lori) and strangely its begging for that hammer. But more and more we have to allow that surrendering by challenging the stamina of the ego. Throw ourselves into positions and stalk its madness.
At my work, my new job, theres this one man from the Ukraine (sp)? I was working with him in a department. His english he struggles with tho been over for nine years now, and since this place I live is such a small world, I found he actually lives down the street from me (weird)! Anyway, so when talking to him, he was saying it was not his country, like he misses home, which I wondered, why would you miss the Ukraine? Ive talked to some folks from there, and heard its not such a great place to live. But if like, your people are there, then you can get homesick. But, I also found out, that nine months prior, his wife and died, and because he has a nine year old son whos lived here all his life (cause theyd move nine years ago over here), that now hes over here, with his wife gone. And when working with, I could see that sadness on his face. Just kinda there. Like sure, hes still in mourning. But hes not even that old! But still, just talking to him about it. And then, but still, staying over here for his son, cause to take him to the Ukraine, a totally different world, he might not take the shock of the differences and then losing his mother on top of it, could make it more difficult.
Times like that when I see things like that, even when I get down about things, the person right next to you, may have it worse than you, more difficult.
But also, of course, regardless to difficulties, that whole deal with spirit, cause we do get tested, even our 'own' spirit, it can be very difficult to keep the fire going. Death, is one of those deals that can end up, putting the fire out. Esp when it appears, it shouldnt happen. I dont necessarily agree that 'when your time is up its up.' I do think that, there are times when, time wasnt up but maybe, something interfered. it wasnt time. Just like I dont see a mother wanting to leave too early her child in life. So when I see things like that, I really question hard the 'time is up' premise.
Just more things, as of late, making me realize time is way too short. Its too short to be wasting it on stupid things. And the more I have to work, even whatever activities I do, or not do, I try to not waste that time unnecessarily.
I think as of today, as I wake up, as im exasperated with the 'waiting' and so forth, Im going to sit down and devise a totally new strategy. In all of it. Im done with waiting on, anything really. its just now or never for me. I think all the sages said, and stressed, we dont have time for shit, for lollygagging around, wasting energy on anything.
My spirit, I would say, is tired of waiting on anything at all. One thing that does not change, is change. Like Otis sitting on the dock of the bay, he realized that before he died. Then died three days later, in a plane accident. Another 'accident' and story to show, never know when. Or John Lennon. He didnt know he was gonna get shot that day he left his apartment. Neither men had warning of their death. Just *snap* gone. Snatched from our scope, from existence.
But at least those two men, found their spirit. its in their songs. They found the truth, for themselves. They saw it, and somehow grasped, that which would appear couldnt be grasped. At least, tho their time was short, they fused their soul, with spirit.
