The rule is, first we choose the Path, second we Die.
In general this should take about three years, from the first real launch to the second step.
But why do some people take much longer and even whole lives, to complete this basic second step?
The first step - choosing the Path, would normally mean we begin the exercises - there are plenty of them out there, and for anyone eager, this is an exciting phase. But the exercises themselves give the indication we are gaining 'power'. Actually they lead us away from the second step. Depending on which exercises we practice, but in general they are designed to bolster the walls of the well, so we can lower the bucket down, to fetch the water.
Without this bolstering, the 'bucket lowering' part would not succeed, for many reasons. The walls would collapse, before we have the clear water, or after - either way, all would be futile.
The 'bucket lowering' is the central core of the practices: meditation. This is the 'awakening' exercise in essence. This exercise leads to silence, inner silence. It is this exercise which invokes Death.
When meditation is combined with the other practices, then we have a wholesome combination, which lowers us to Death in a constructive way.
Death means more than physical death. It means the death of our false self. Some call this the ego, but that word is problematic, as it is normally ascribed to what Toltecs call the Tonal - and when that dies, there is not resurrection. That's the end. We don't seek the death of the Tonal, but we come very close to it. We seek the death of the tyrant, and it hangs on to power until the tonal is so weakened that we face a critical decision - dethrone the tyrant or death final.
Death usually means some physical component - hopefully we are not too damaged by this, but it is hard to pass through without a serious physical decrease of one form or another. Actually it is the death of that part of us which is so full of ourselves, that we seek.
Our pride and self-satisfaction. Our secret or not-so-secret belief that we are better than everyone else. And more - our total architecture of self - who we identify ourselves to be. All that has to go. One who has been through this Death has a hollowed out feeling - inside, you can sense, there is nothing. Those who haven’t been through this are full in the middle. They have a strong sense of self, even when it is concealed by timidity, it is still palpable. They also indulge in criticisms of others, delighting in telling everyone why other people are stuffed up in some way. The ‘hollow’ ones also will criticise, but you sense with them they are concocting their criticisms, and if you pushed them enough, they’d crumble and admit they don’t really know. Their criticisms have more to do with a sadness of relationship than desire to express their own inner self.
Here is the paradox - to one who sees - the hollow ones have more power and strength in ‘self’, than the brittle immortal ones - but that ‘self’ is a mysterious nebulous thing they never understand or grasp. They could never stand in the centre of the room and demand everyone listen to their opinion. They lack that obvious certitude. They may learn to pretend it, and to put on a show - but look closely, they are hollow. Just be careful though, as they could begin to reflect the power of a deeper being through their hollowness.
This Death robs us of our ‘rights’. It robs us of our convictions, of our demands, of even our desires. It robs us of our faux heaviness, our petty seriousness, our longing to be respected and liked, our aching for appreciation.
So why do some delay between the steps? Why doesn’t the inevitable sequence as expected? What has gone wrong?
The answer is always one thing - they have not practised the critical essence: meditation. They have not sought that inner silence. Instead they have done some of the practices, but rarely the not-doing practices. Those ones also lead to Death. Instead they have practised the activities that give them status, in their eyes and they fervently demand, in the eyes of others.
Such practices include skills at the associated enterprises. Skills at words, dreaming, dancing, music, tarot, oracles, interpreting dreams. Skills at accumulating loads of information about obscure religious concepts, or shamanic concepts, or they read all kinds of new-age material, which is really mind-knowledge from the past. They practice these skills enough to provide them with a certain type of power, giving them a sense of ascendancy over others.
In the worst cases they actually succeed in gaining real power over others, not just a fantasy - that is a serious disadvantage, because then they have a considerable vested interest in not losing that power. Which is what happens in Death. Luckily those cases are mostly rare in Western countries, as our lifestyle lacks the hardships necessary to acquire those powers. Most ‘delayers’ are trapped in a fantasy of their status, their place along the Path. But that fantasy is as dearly held to as if it were real - just that the world never seems to validate it for them. Denial is a wonder drug.
Then they give up their practices. They pride themselves on ‘knowing’ all about, but no longer really practising. Oh, they try their hand occasionally, just to fill out the role, but any serious effort - no, they lack the will for that.
These people become trapped between the steps. They can’t go back - once they have committed themselves to the Path, there is never any turning back. But they can’t move forward either, because they have lost the way. And yet the way is so simple - inner silence. Practice sitting on your bottom doing nothing for long periods of time and not wasting that time - striving for inner calm and silence. It never fails to work.
So that is the last thing they wish to do, and they soon construct vast bodies of arguments about why meditation is unnecessary. About why they are already doing it in other things, about how their whole life is a meditation, and on and on...
These people become sad ghosts of no-mans-land. Caught between the walls, caught in the fog. Those who have passed through look back with disquiet and concern - puzzled as to why they have stalled. Some who have the thread of teaching, strive to make forays back into the soul-desert-land, to attempt retrievals - occasionally successful, mostly failures.
Their wandering can continue for lifetimes, never happy, never knowing why. The world constantly rejecting them, but they have no place to rest, no friends.
In the end, they will run out of energy to keep this up. The first choice is the thing of real power, and once the bid is cast, it’s consequence can not be thwarted. Eventually they fall to their knees and just surrender. The effort of sustaining their parody at last overwhelms them like a tidal wave, and they crumple in a heap of tears. Right where they stood! Which could be absolutely anywhere.
It is a beautiful moment, and one when all those who had given up hope, look back with love, at another who has passed the gates, and joined the hollow people.
