It goes like this. At first we say. “No one’s gonna make me change!” Then the world rolls over us and we find ourselves changed. We think, “OK, not bad, but that’s me now, and that all.” Then we wake up and discover change is actually fun. We become different again and again. Then we get serious about it and seek change. Last we are hooked, and no long see it as a chore, but push ourselves way beyond our limits and grab every opportunity, for the sheer delight in becoming a completely different person in as many ways as possible.
Why the resistance to change? Simple. Other people are always trying to make us fit to their frame - make us more like themselves. They don’t care who we really are, and all they want is for us to validate their world view. I recall my mother working hard and secretly to get me to cut my hair, wear shoes that were ‘smart’ and didn’t have my toes poking out, shave off my beard, marry a socialite so she could see me in the social pages of the newspapers. I don’t blame her - she just wanted what she thought was best for me.
We take pride in ‘being who we are’, and pride in not allowing others to foist their attitudes on us. And there is nothing wrong in that... for the average man and woman in the street.
But once we begin on the ‘path’, we discover our stubborn pride is based on a few wrong assumptions.
The first and most formidable assumption is that we ‘know who we are’. We assume that our inner self-image, our identity, is the real us. Forgetting conveniently that that identity has been ruthlessly forged by the attitudes of our parents, guardians and culture from the day we were conceived... without ever asking our opinion! We pop up into the early twenties, almost complete replicas of our parents, and its all down hill from there.
Of course we see our inner self as different, but on careful examination, we find all our attitudes and behaviours and aspirations are those of the world we were brought up in. The older we get the more like our parents we become. OK, with a little spirit we may change a few things here and there, but the underlying framework is always the one dished out to us in our formative years.
So to strop around claiming self-ownership is a complete sham - we are absolute and indelible victims of those who coached us throughout the timelessness of our childhood.
The next assumption is that we see change as a threat, instead of a fabulous opportunity. Why? Buggered if I know. We are made that way because we have no adventurous spirit, and are basically frightened of the world and what it might do to us.
Then comes the assumption that we ‘can’ know who we are. That identity is here or there, now or later. We believe identity is necessary, an absolute thing, and you are headed for the loony bin if you are uncertain about self-identity.
Lastly we assume that we will be cut off from all our security and happiness if we begin to change inside - we intuitively know that identity is the link to our world, our friends, family, work. That our relationships and activities are the real owners of our identity, and they won’t like it if we try to change. And we assume that social world is more important than wandering around in no-mans-land looking for ‘who we really are’! Heaven forbid, haven’t we scoffed at those sort of idiots?
Well, forget all that. Once you start this path, all that goes out the window.
The first injunction of the path, is to become cloud-like. Leave all defining pressures, and lose our self-image. To leave our friends, and join the strangers... to even become a stranger to ourselves.
The rule is simple. Our deepest core is mystery.
For us, the issue is not whether we will be changed into the image of another, but how we can break our image moorings. The task requires all our strength, intelligence and imagination. From this point onwards the question is only, how far can we go?
The change we really seek, is known as Transformation. That means a deep and comprehensive change in nature form and appearance. Naturally we don’t seek downward spiralling change - change for the worse. My image for that, is that we stand on a downward moving escalator - if we stand still, we descend. To even hold the same position we have to climb, and climbing means effort. To ascend, we really need a superhuman effort.
But at first any change is of value, as we need to break the fixations of identity. Once that is accomplished, the adventure-true begins!
A little story to finish.
I used to be a beer drinking, motor bike riding, football playing, external physical world person. That was me - it was the only me I knew. Then I went into the military, and became a military person. That was different. Although I still lived out doors mostly. Then I discovered music, and became an audiophile, which was a part of me that I had not realised before - a more subtle trance like identity.
The big change happened when I travelled overseas, and even then I clung tenaciously to my familiar self. Until I cashed in my London/Sydney flight ticket, and travelled overland on a pittance. Slowly as I crossed the continent, through Turkey, Iran, Afghanistan, I lost my old self, until I slid numb across the Punjab boarder into India. By then I was gone, and every returning trip, its self-image stripping talons have ripped me apart till I look with bewilderment upon each of my current personas.
Nothing is real anymore, but everything is bubbling like a good dinner. Since then, I have changed personas often, and have now become a signed up member of the International Identity Adventurers Club. A branch of the original Asiatic Shamanic Institute, better known as the ASI. We are a dedicated cohort of deep-bliss seekers, who are willing to do anything to open the floor beneath, and let the winds from the endless dark universe blow on our bones. A very frightening and consummational experience.
For me the crack came in another culture. That is why I extol the virtues of travel to very different cultures, because it has worked for our club members since the days of Melchizedek.
Michael Maher 2007
