Topic: Diary of a Fireside Woman

[Nichi]

Maybe... but i have been feeling like it gets kind of lost in the middle of the poems and birds and weather and stuff like that 

Can't really help out here, that you lose it in the midst of poems and pictures. My world isn't that important to Soma - but I share it nonetheless. Maybe you'll see it next time.

[Taimyr]

Can't really help out here, that you lose it in the midst of poems and pictures. My world isn't that important to Soma - but I share it nonetheless. Maybe you'll see it next time.

Poems and pictures and whatever people are posting are ok, but i'm triyng to say that they are not YOU. When we talk about some action going around our life, then these are just outside activities and events. For an example if i post some photos i have made or pictures of something i have made, then i guess there is not much me or my path in them either. I'm not a big sharer either, but when something is really bugging me i can throw it out without being afraid what someone might say. The point is i guess, that it kind of feels like hanging around strangers for i don't know how many years. Actually it is of couse not that dramatic, but a tiny sensation...

[Nichi]

Poems and pictures and whatever people are posting are ok, but i'm triyng to say that they are not YOU. When we talk about some action going around our life, then these are just outside activities and events. For an example if i post some photos i have made or pictures of something i have made, then i guess there is not much me or my path in them either. I'm not a big sharer either, but when something is really bugging me i can throw it out without being afraid what someone might say. The point is i guess, that it kind of feels like hanging around strangers for i don't know how many years. Actually it is of couse not that dramatic, but a tiny sensation...

There's a lot here, which will end up sidetracking Lori's thread, but let me share a few responses.

If you share your photos or things you have made, or even what has struck your fancy per something someone else has made, that is your path, your life. It's not the whole thing by any means, but what is?

The main point in what you're saying is that you do not fear what someone else will say if you share regarding things that are "bugging" or concerning you. That's good! Because there have been whole periods here, not the least of which have been epitomized in the altercations with Juhani and Lori, wherein folks do not feel safe here to bare the unbearable. We could have a whole thread as to why that could be, in the evolution of our communication.

And then again, some readers are more shrewd/perceptive than others in picking up on where someone is coming from. Also another topic...

But that "tiny sensation" of which you speak, wherein we are all strangers after all these years: I'd say that could be true, to the extent that we cannot ever really completely know another. Even if we are living with the other person and see the other every day, face to face.

[Builder]

Why would you delete a post? Deleting posts is a lame thing to do. You type it out, say something, then erase it like nothing ever happened? That's dumb. You shouldn't delete. If you put your foot in your mouth (which you did) then you should leave it.

My post was up for less than a minute.

[Builder]

because it's obvious the job's not done.

I respectfully disagree, but I would not go into detail.

Besides, I'd not put  up here anything related to recap, or anything else I would not like to publicize widely. This place (i.e. Soma) is a place where one should not post things one is not willing to express literally anywhere else (in your own words).

So there's a clear line I would not cross (any more).

[Taimyr]

There's a lot here, which will end up sidetracking Lori's thread, but let me share a few responses.

Yes, maybe you could make another thread somewhere and transport unrelated posts. This is an interesting issue for me, and i might have more thoughts...

[Ke-ke wan]

My post was up for less than a minute.

It doesn't matter if the post was there for one minute or one year, you spoke the words (typed) which means you thought the thought.  What's interesting here, and of value I think in your healing is to see why you felt that way.  Take me out of the picture Juhani, because this has never been about me, and why do YOU feel this way?  I find that question fascinating....

On another note***

Dreams are changing again.  For the better.
In the beginning, I was plagued by many nightmares.  That is actually what prompted me to dig deeper into healing myself from these experiences with Myron.. so many nightmares. 

When I began recalling, the nightmares got worse and often I would recall things in Dreaming that I had completely blocked out in real life.  As the years went on, there were many many nightmares in which Myron was the bad guy.  Lots of fright, lots of blood and hurt.  After a while I learned that I could fight back in dreams, that I could stand up to Myron in dreaming so I began to work on that.
Sometimes I would just voice an opinion, or sometimes I would physically fight back, something that I could never do in real life for so many reasons.  Once, in dreaming,  I killed Myron, by slashing him with a sharp object.  In that Dream he morphed into Jesus Christ when he died.  That was a pretty big dream for me.

Lately, that is over the past few months, now that I've opened up "Fireside Woman" again and starting writing more, the dreams have changed again.  Now, when I see Myron in my dreams, I am not running from him,  I am not afraid of him and I am not trying to injure or kill him.   

The dreams I have had with Myron lately have a very different theme to them.  In these dreams,  Myron and I have gotten back together, we are living peacefully, though at times it feels awkward upon waking.  And in these dreams, there is no fear, or abuse or violence.  Just a normal healthy relationship.  I think that's a step in the right direction, as far as my healing goes.

[Firestarter]

The dreams I have had with Myron lately have a very different theme to them.  In these dreams,  Myron and I have gotten back together, we are living peacefully, though at times it feels awkward upon waking.  And in these dreams, there is no fear, or abuse or violence.  Just a normal healthy relationship.  I think that's a step in the right direction, as far as my healing goes.

Sounds like it Lori that's good!

[Michael]

He is merged with your animus. All the men in your life merge with your animus.

As you release the toxic energy stored around Myron, he will become more like your animus in your dreams - typically takes on changes within the same dream. Then you will stop fighting Myron in every man you meet, and 'your' Myron will become a positive force in your subconscious.

[Angela]

He is merged with your animus. All the men in your life merge with your animus.

As you release the toxic energy stored around Myron, he will become more like your animus in your dreams - typically takes on changes within the same dream. Then you will stop fighting Myron in every man you meet, and 'your' Myron will become a positive force in your subconscious.

An excellent description/summation ... thanks, Michael.

[Angela]

When I dropped back into to soma, after being away, I sensed your change and saw a layer of what I thought was amour. I noticed your energy had transformed ... felt very good ... but it still has some kind of sticky protective film, like a heavy duty sunscreen .... hard to describe, sorry.

Found this for Juhani ... sorry to muck up your thread, Lor

Amour ---> shiny
Sticky ---> silk
Sun ---> gold


A chrysalis (Latin chrysallis, from Greek χρυσαλλίς = chrysallís, pl: chrysalides) or nympha is the pupal stage of butterflies. The term is derived from the metallic gold-colouration found in the pupae of many butterflies, referred to by the Greek term χρυσός (chrysós) for gold.

When the caterpillar is fully grown, it makes a button of silk which it uses to fasten its body to a leaf or a twig. Then the caterpillar's skin comes off for the final time. Under this old skin is a hard skin called a chrysalis.[2]

Because chrysalides are often showy and are formed in the open, they are the most familiar examples of pupae. Most chrysalides are attached to a surface by a Velcro-like arrangement of a silken pad spun by the caterpillar, usually cemented to the underside of a perch, and the cremaster, a hook-shaped protuberance from the rear of the chrysalis at the tip of the pupal abdomen by which the caterpillar fixes itself to the pad of silk.

Like other types of pupae, the chrysalis stage in most butterflies is one in which there is little movement. However, some butterfly pupae are capable of moving the abdominal segments to produce sounds or to scare away potential predators. Within the chrysalis, growth and differentiation occur. The adult butterfly emerges (ecloses) from this and expands its wings by pumping haemolymph into the wing veins.[3] This sudden and rapid change from pupa to imago is called metamorphosis but metamorphosis is really the whole series of changes that an insect undergoes from egg to adult.

When the butterfly emerges from the chrysalis, usually it will sit on the empty shell in order to expand and harden its wings. However, if the chrysalis was near the ground (such as if it fell off from its silk pad), the butterfly would find another vertical surface to rest upon and harden its wings (such as a wall or fence).

Moth pupae are usually dark in color and either formed in underground cells, loose in the soil, or their pupa is contained in a protective silk case called a cocoon.

It is important to differentiate between pupa, chrysalis and cocoon. The pupa is the stage between the larva and adult stages. The chrysalis is a butterfly pupa. A cocoon is a silk case that moths, and sometimes other insects, spin around the pupa.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pupa#Chrysalis

[daphne]

It is not the act, but the intent behind it that matters and I deeply wonder about yours.

Why? Why do you "deeply wonder" about Lori's intent?
That's actually quite an important question to ask yourself.
Personally, I don't give two hoots about Lori's intent. Not that I don't care about Lori, because I do, in a strange sort of way... notwithstanding that we have never actually met (in so-called 'real-life' anyway...)
Lori telling her story seems to help in her healing; I've certainly felt the difference over the years.

[Nichi]

@ Ang ... don't know why you would say you aren't a teacher, or that you aren't on your way to becoming one.

@ Daphne ... we're always so much richer for your input here!

@ Lor ... when you come back, let me know if you want to separate out the posts you originally intended to share per the Diary.. We can make a few threads out of this one, easy.

Love y'all, V

[Angela]

@ Ang ... don't know why you would say you aren't a teacher, or that you aren't on your way to becoming one.

I'm  teacher to my son Rudy, my last responsibility on this earth. I remember Gurdjieff talking about that. The rest is commentary ... I'm enjoying 'commentary' ... it flows.

@ Daphne ... we're always so much richer for your input here!

Yes ... nice to see you Daph