PROLOGUE
Almost ten years ago I commenced upon what I have since come to call “a Nagual task”. My sole Intent of this personal endeavor was to put into my own words those teachings of the don Juan Matus’ which I had been able to activate into personal practice. Of course my application of this warriors’ words have always changed over the years, as I adjusted and readjusted my attempts at successfully moving my Assemblage Point to a new and permanent position. Luckily, I had the forethought to write down over the years my “gut feelings” unadultered by much analysis on my part. I just wrote them down in a brainstorming way and only re-read them occasionally for purposes of self-growth and needed Recapitulation. I finally have realized that, all along, I was practicing quite unconsciously the performance of a self-stalk on myself just by recording what I FELT inside. Yes, a stalk which remains incomplete to this day because of a great lack of will power on my part. But, as I continually grow closer and closer to another inevitable death of my body and mind, my resolve in this matter comes closer to fruition for me.
A lot of the progress I have achieved over the last few years, with regard only to my original Intent of this stalk, I must give a great deal of credit for, to the TNF and Soma forums. The many descriptions of such illusive words as Intent, Will, Recapitulation, Dreaming, “Seeing”, etc., given to me by the wonderful people on these forums, have slowly made me come to realize that a path with heart precedes description and can only be experienced with the totality of oneself. And the totality of “myself” within this Nagual task required me to decipher this old Indians’ words enough to have my thinkings put them into a less-cryptic form and more into a layman’s words. In other terms, my Friends, I want the average and ordinary person, who surely has very little experience in applying the don Matus’ teachings to their everyday life, to have the opportunity to learn of another potentially life-changing path of self-realization. And, in my estimation, “the average person” will not delve into studies containing such emotionally-laden terms, as “occult”, “shaman”, “nagual”, “sorcery”, let alone other terms such as “assemblage point, glowing fibers, bubble of awareness”, etc. But, subsequently, I also found myself within the dilemma of not being able to water down my description of the don Matus’ words by using psychological terms one would find in a text book. So, I had to take again “the middle road” in my interpretation of what I had studied and just use my gut to tell the words, instead of my brain.
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The Lost Art of Dying
Self pity is very often disguised as self-importance or arrogance. Remember that true self-confidence often appears as a quiet and personal stature which does not brag of itself at all. Besides, self-pity is a great waste of spiritual energy, of which we all need so very desperately, right?
Death exists for us because we have been taught from birth to expect it but to still not think about it. So, thusly, we have learned to fear it intensely. And I want to know how in the world can we call “terrible” that which we have not looked at, let alone learned of? You see, we pity ourselves because, subconsciously, we know that we are telling ourselves things which are not true. We do this because of our fear of the unknown. So, in turn, we go around acting like we know all the important stuff when we really don’t. We keep telling ourselves that we really won’t die by ignoring the fact that we will.
And our life often gets boring because we act purely for the sake of physical gain, instead of acting just for the fun of it. What we are doing is replacing our self-esteem with things we purchase and then call the stuff we buy “ours” and then feel that we have accomplished something great. After a while our stuff then becomes what we value and we lose contact with our true self and, in turn, our self worth.
Just about anything is humanly possible when we learn not to entertain self doubt. In other words, don’t judge yourself in relationship to other people. Secondly don’t tell yourself you can’t do something until you have really tried. Everyone is, basically, just like you and I, often alone in themselves and maybe a little afraid, too. A friend once asked me that, IF I could be guaranteed TOTAL SUCCESS, what one thing would I try to do in my life that I really wanted to do. So I ask YOU right now to ask yourself, what would that one thing be? In other words, what is it that’s stopping you from trying it RIGHT NOW? A lack of courage? You don’t have the time? Or is it that you aren’t really sure at all just what you truly want out of your life? And IF this one thing WAS TO BE YOUR LAST ACT IN LIFE, would you then be willing to really try to do it?
What I am saying here is, how long do you think you have left to live?
The greatest human malady is feeling offended by another persons actions toward us. And almost all of this personal offense comes from a lack of realistic self-esteem. Remember, no one can get you upset except for you. What I mean is, how you react to a given situation is totally YOUR choice. We each have control over our own reactions, even if we don’t know it. We have just gotten out of practice recognizing our emotions and their affect upon us. And in like manner, we have lost contact with the fact that “the here and now” is a fleeting moment and one day we’re all going to run out of it. And why? Simply because we’ve been too busy with all of the emotional issues which have crowed out our sense of reality. Yes, we have forgotten about “now”.
The easiest way to ruin our admiration for the pure awesomeness of the mysteries of our universe is to try to rationalize them or try to make sense of them. Comparing “this to that” should maybe be replaced with a simple appreciation of things. Every thing IS actually a blessing, if you choose to think about that way, right?
Anyway, true honest-to-Goodness life realizations are basically worthless, in themselves, unless followed up with a serious life change. And most realistic changes of self are so gradual that other folk don’t even see it, anyway.
To lose our fear of our ultimate physical death, we must first accept it as being in the natural course of events which we will just have to experience for ourselves, anyway.
And as sacreligious as this may sound, to pray for favors or blessings or cures is an insignificant gesture to the human aspect of God Almighty. Yes, that very aspect which we have surely placed there upon Him, that is also just too insignificant to represent the whole of God. What we think we mostly understand of God is limited by our selfish minds and searching hearts. God is here for the loving. Period. If you love God, you act like it and it shows.
If you were to really try to do your level best in just one task, you would realize that it is the one part of you which cannot be threatened. For, you see, when you’re really trying your best at something, disappointment cannot exist. There just isn’t any room for it. Just Remember to remember that trying your best is a straight road to moral freedom, and most often a very personal one.
Disappointment is the child of expectation and is usually given birth to because “your best” was never attempted at all. The same is often true for what is called “belief”. True belief is a natural faith in doing something good when you are not expecting any rewards for your actions. In other words, true belief is action born of the compassion which the belief fostered.
Self-pity is caused by not acting responsible and regretting it later. It is the total lack of humility and, spiritually, very draining. In other words, accept your pain and tell no one about it except, of course, your doctor. Then be joyful that you can feel at all. Many cannot. I’m sure you’ve asked more than a few people, “Hey, how are you doing?” And they respond, “Well, I’m here.”. Where do you think this, “ho-hum” attitude comes from? Self-pity, maybe? For Heavens’ sake, don’t be bored with your life. It might surely be the only one you have. Secondly, it might be over in the next minute and you wasted your time complaining about it. Now, THAT’S what I call a true pity.
To believe in anything without hard work attached to it is like solitaire with an ace missing.
Without the awareness of our ultimate physical death, everything is quite ordinary and usually very boring. Knowing that we are going to die one day maybe should keep us sharp, in tune with life. It should make us try even THAT much harder to live our life to the fullest. Then, our physical death just comes when it comes and we were just too busy loving life to worry much about it, anyway.
Being “average” means that you are aware of the simple things around you ONLY when you SHOULD be or HAVE to be aware of them. In other words, you are basically blind most of your life and don’t even realize it or, worse yet, don’t care to even wonder about it. This is why the average person is so darn boring to me. Remember to remember that no one is born “average”. We only make or unmake ourselves so.
The results of an unthoughtful decision should never be a surprise to you. We have everything we could possibly need on this extravagant journey called Life, so blame nothing or no one for your mistakes and mishaps. No, not even bad luck. And, likewise, complaints and regrets are really indulgences for not facing and acting on a particular challenge that was right smack-dab in front of us, anyway, right?
Humbleness doesn’t mean lowering your head. Rather, it involves not expecting good things for yourself. This means to learn to question the value you have placed upon things. Happiness, fear and all that lies in between, are what you call them. These states of mind exist because you have empowered them. The same goes for good and bad, right and wrong. True self-confidence is not the certainty which you think that you happen to see in another persons’ eyes. Focus, rather, on the eyes you find in your mirror. Ha! Most folk probably think it’s quite foolish to do such a thing, stare at your own reflection. You ever try it? To say the least, it is very revealing. In MY opinion, most folk oughta make a habit of it. You’d be surprised what you find when you stop now and then and look at yourself and think about how you feel about yourself. What I mean is, the greatest change you can ever make in yourself is your idea of yourself. Yes, just realistically and habitually looking at yourself to see not WHO your are, but WHAT you actually are. Some folk call this meditation. One of the biggest obstacles to self-improvement is not being able to look at your old habits and routines. Self-analysis does not have to mean self-judgment, as introspection, also, does not have to imply criticism.
We could learn so much, much more if we just tried to stop talking to ourselves all the time about what we think things are or what they are about. I’m sure you know that Truth IS very self-evident.
Making oneself happy and strong or making oneself miserable and weak takes the same amount of effort. It’s all about realistic self-esteem. And if you really can’t feel proud of yourself then maybe you’re just not looking close enough or you’re too busy judging yourself or others. It is not vain or arrogant to love yourself for what you are. You ARE, by the way, the vessel which carries the Spirit of God grandly within it.
The art of Life is to balance the terror of knowing that you are going to one day die with the fantastic splendor of just BEING alive. Can you hear the symphony? It’s been there all the time. It’s in the wind and the waterfall, in a bird’s song and a child’s laughter. It’s everywhere, all the time. It’s the sound of our appreciation for life and love. Life IS, as I have said before here, an extremely temporary status only. So why not act like we give a darn, while we still can?
To be sad or to complain is to feel justified that something negative has been done to you. Grow up! No one’s out to get us except us, ourselves. So, maybe, stop being so darn hard on yourself. Remember that our disappointments are the children of our unfounded expectations. No one owes us anything except ourselves. And what is that, which we owe ourselves, maybe honesty and mindfulness, for starters?
Hold your death at bay by being responsible for your actions. You are not a leaf in the wind, so stop telling yourself that you are. Assume responsibility for being alive and you’ll never have time to be bored with it, nor will you be so afraid that it’s one day all going to end. Yes, make every act count, for your death may be just moments away. This will bring true happiness, for only a fool would forget the importance of each act. Anyway, such forgetting is total disrespect for ones’ true worth. Yes, we are very worthy of deserving every single thing in our life. Pain, joy, sadness, bliss and everything else in between. Without these sensations we are already dead. The basic problem is that we pin ourselves down by our expectations and lose our freedom to act just for the joy of it. And this comes from our feeling of self-importance. Self-importance, by the way, is a great aid in helping us lose our appreciation for life. Life is much, much more than what we happen to like or dislike about it.
Don’t do anything unless you know exactly why you are doing it. Then you will never have regrets. Of course, this will take a lot of practice at looking at what you are doing. Remember, though, all of us basically are doing the same things over and over each day and each year. It’s HOW you do it, this life of yours, that counts the most. It’s called, “paying attention”.
To worry about something or someone makes a person inaccessible to potential success because their mind becomes too busy concerning themselves with what hasn’t been done in the first place to solve the problem they’re so darned worried about anyway. Ha! That was a real mouthful I just said there, but it’s like a puppy chasing his tail, don’t you think?
Winning and losing are only illusions. The point in life is to just follow your heart. To follow your heart eliminates the competition automatically. This way, stress is replaced with joy. Then you find that all you are really doing is just doing your best.
Being detached from the physical things around you means that you’re living your life without craving. It is far from a bad thing just to learn to have enough. Anyway, one of the biggest causes of unhappiness is not being able to tell the difference between what you need and what you want. Appreciating what you already have can be a great blessing in itself, and most folk miss this point altogether. I have always believed that to complain is to give away a vital element of your spirit and a piece of heart. Just be thrilled that you’re alive! I learned a very lot about this during my Army stint in the Far East. Viewing first hand starvation, homelessness and poverty is a true teacher of appreciation for what we have in this rich country of ours. We can cut out of our lives any thing we wish. We just have to stop being a baby and just do it. Bad habits CAN be replaced with better ones. It is foolish, if you stop and think about it, to always tell yourself what you think you HAVE to have or HAVE to do. Real human needs are usually very basic. The rest is frosting on the cake. Just being alive, in and of itself, is really quite wonderful.
To be angry or upset with another person is one of the very things which I call a very bad habit for the majority of us humans. Feeling this way means that we consider ourselves important, and this is very vain indeed, don’t you think? Would YOU want to feel obligated to another persons’ expectations of you?
It is pertinent that a person ask themselves at least once in their life if their path has heart. Since it is so very difficult to do this, once is usually enough. The work begins when we make ourselves honestly answer that question and then, of course, act upon it! I did it and it totally changed my life forever.
It is a true waste of valuable energy to be concerned with getting the approval of others. It’s as big of a waste as always wanting or needing to be liked by others. I know that we’ve been taught this all of our lives, that being accepted by others is a necessary comfort. But, shouldn’t we try to like ourselves first? Then people will automatically like us just for what we are. This is much better than sacrificing our self worth for what we think others are feeling about us. If the whole truth be known on this, I am sure most folk really don’t give a fig one way or the other about us, anyway. We just THINK other folk are concerned about us. Actually, there too busy living their own lives, just like us.
What I am trying to say with all these words is, basically, that being responsible for ones’ acts and thoughts is a lot different than just acting out our thoughts because we think it’s the right thing to do.
Acting thoughtlessly is a type of immaturity that has no age designation attached to it at all. Matter of fact, it’s extremely dangerous to our spiritual growth and life.
Would it be silly to occasionally ask yourself if the thoughts you habitually harbor are all that safe for you? I mean the ones you think about yourself. The point is, do you know the difference between WHO you are and WHAT you are? Are you just a personality or are you something greater like, maybe, a vessel of the Spirit, of God His very self? Have you ever thought of yourself in that way like, maybe, there really IS a divine reason why you are somewhere this very moment, reading this?
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