This is what I am currently working on. (One of the many things of course) I am not feeling sorry for myself. Just talking through it, seeing from a different perspective.
While I understand, and practice not being offended as much as I am able, when I am aware of it, I realized recently that, at least for me, there is another end of the spectrum where offendedness is concerned.
It is easy enough for me, when I feel someone’s words jab me in the gut or the heart, to stop and say, “hey that hurt; let’s try to figure out why.”
But what I’ve noticed lately is that I tend to go overboard in this area as it concerns the other guy. I tend to worry that something I do or say might possibly offend the next person. And so often times go out of my way to say things just the right way or even say nothing at all. A blank answer or comment.
I realize this is my self importance at play, along with a certain amount of fear. This has been a pattern of mine for obviously quite a long while. I most likely learned it from living with a violent alcoholic father. It became necessary for me to be very careful what I said so as not to piss him off. Walking on eggshells became second nature to me.
I suppose that living with my ex husband only strengthened and perpetuated my need to consider and anticipate the other person’s reaction and or action before it happened and most times, before I had even spoken.
So I find that, in the majority of instances, conversations and communications in my life have been governed by this learned response. My anticipation of the other person’s reaction had become a way for me to decide nearly every response, reply or comment I would make. And fast forwarding and playing out possible scenarios in my head of the way things could, or might turn out was just like breathing to me. I could do it in my sleep.
But I am realizing now that, if I am able to let myself get offended and then deal with the consequences, stalking my reactions, well then I should afford others the same opportunity to do this for themselves.
I should step back and let them worry about whether and if they choose to be offended. People are going to feel how they feel whether or not I am in the picture. But if something I say or do triggers a hidden emotion or reaction, so be it. It’s actually a good thing, in the end. It gives me a chance to see my fears and them a way to see themselves through me and gives both of us a chance to keep self importance in check. Thus, giving us both a step forward on the path and hopefully bringing us that much closer to freedom.
So instead of worrying needlessly over the reactions of others, I want to drop my own self importance and be able to say what I need to say, the way I need to say it, without stressing over whether or not somebody’s feelings will be hurt by my words. I need to speak from my heart, not from my fear.
