Author Topic: What do we give? What could be given?  (Read 273 times)

erik

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What do we give? What could be given?
« on: June 16, 2008, 07:34:37 PM »
A few days ago another bunch of students completed their studies. I supervised some BA theses and examined all of them. That process gave rise to following reflections.

The first thing that popped up is the issue of giving. When you get a student who is (even before starting the work on his thesis) convinced that his maximum mark is going to be E (lowest positive grade) regardless of his efforts, you face a twofold problem there.

First, he is not inclined to work as he does not believe in achieving anything. Second, even if you manage to cajole him to work, he is so afraid to express his thoughts that his belief about E becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I had three such characters. Somehow I got to all of them. I stripped off layers of distrust and skepticism and fear. Sometimes it took stating that he is not going to graduate unless he does a few things in about 3 days, sometimes it took simply showing the intriguing sides of their subjects.

Eventually, I had their trust and they believed me that they could achieve something. They managed well: all three pushed themselves to C-s. Yet there was that period of time when I felt walking on the thin thread: on one hand I made them believe in what I said, I made them come forward; on the other hand, I stripped them naked of their defences and made subject of examiners criticism (that in our college can be very harsh).

That was a hard moment - they had to dare to come forward and then fend for themselves. These moments make you question yourself very thoroughly. I wondered if I was taking them toward even deeper fall and deeper fear and disappointment.

Simultaneously, I realised very clearly that this was the only way -  they had to get the learning experience and only by daring to come forward and fending for themselves could they stand on their own, look into the world with open eyes, and then fly into that wide and weird world.

They dared, they managed. Thin line was walked and passed.

To the topic then: what could we give? what do we give?
I would answer it this way: nothing but clear realisation that you cannot walk life without bleeding your feet or getting occasional black eye - and courage to do so, to learn and achieve.

Teaching this means balancing on a very thin thread and risking a major failure.

Offline Jennifer-

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2008, 08:26:58 PM »
Quote
what do we give?

courage

 ;) :-*
Without constant complete silence meditation - samadi - we lose ourselves in the game.  MM

erik

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2008, 12:13:46 AM »
:) Yes...courage to be wrong all alone.

tangerine dream

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2008, 12:21:06 AM »
:) Yes...courage to be wrong all alone.

How about courage to Be?

erik

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2008, 12:31:08 AM »
I'd put the courage to be wrong all alone first.

Why? It's because it entails courage to be hurt and alone. 'Courage to Be' does not express it so directly. 'To exist' could hide fear of death that keeps one ticking. 'To Be' could entail asserting oneself regardless of being wrong.

Facing one's failure squarely and not seeking justifications is pleasantly blunt. :)

tangerine dream

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2008, 12:47:25 AM »


When you have the courage to simply be, fear is gone.
You are here, now with no expectations or fears of death or being wrong etc.
Just in the Moment, where there is no fear or right or wrong.

Perhaps this is not pertinent to the situation you wrote of.  I see what you are saying. :)



erik

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2008, 01:00:57 AM »
Fear is gone? For that particular moment, maybe, but then life will throw up another deadly challenge.

tangerine dream

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2008, 08:27:27 AM »
Fear is gone? For that particular moment, maybe, but then life will throw up another deadly challenge.

I suppose.

Jahn

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #8 on: June 17, 2008, 06:06:30 PM »
I'd put the courage to be wrong all alone first.

Why? It's because it entails courage to be hurt and alone. 'Courage to Be' does not express it so directly. 'To exist' could hide fear of death that keeps one ticking. 'To Be' could entail asserting oneself regardless of being wrong.

Facing one's failure squarely and not seeking justifications is pleasantly blunt. :)


Right, that is also sport psychology.
I was lucky to get a seminar held by the coaches to our local hockey team. Today physical skill is seldom what differs the team but more the psychology behind. Our team got to the final this year but a bit lack of routine made them not win this time. If it goes bad for a team a longer period the coach may change players and configuration or if its really bad he may leave as coach but what do they try to do about the players confidence?

They tell them that they must be ready to have a bad day, to perform below their "imagined" level. They do a lot of work to extend the players potential and that means also to accept performance below average. When the players arrive to the club they usually have a very narrow range of imagined performance, let us say they believe they are able to perform in the range of 70-80 where 100 is a top player. Now the coach wants them to believe that they very well may be able to perform 90 to 95 as well as 55 to 60 in a game. So the goal is to extend the expectations within the range of 55-95 instead of 70-80, this new “belief” may relieve one knot or two.

Now players in a team are seldom alone, but constantly encouraging each other. But I think this kind of psychology is worth to use even for solo sports and studies.
« Last Edit: June 17, 2008, 06:10:34 PM by Jamir »

erik

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #9 on: June 17, 2008, 06:14:55 PM »
That's an interesting application of such a direct approach.

It sounds like the very basic teaching about spiritual path - in order to improve oneself, or heal the wound, or get over some obstacle, one must admit its existence and face it precisely as it stands. Simple, but hard.

Offline Jennifer-

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Re: What do we give? What could be given?
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2008, 06:09:09 AM »
LOL!!   ;)
Without constant complete silence meditation - samadi - we lose ourselves in the game.  MM

 

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