I am Tom Tomforde living my life with all its planned activities. Most of my mentality is focused upon the exactness of what I do, the details. I try to get the maximum energy out of each set of actions I do, like large or small projects which I plan in detail, up to even creating a list like I were planning a party or something. I do this a lot so that all my attempts at what I do have all the impeccability which I can muster. This sounds tedious but, to me, it is very far from it. I enjoy the exactness of detail, making most of what I do an art form in itself. It is the way I am. And when I find myself "in the flow" of planning and then carrying out these plans I find out that all of my projects, enmasse, take on a life of their own, like I am compressing time as the different things I do slowly come into fruition. Like they are almost doing it themselves, if that makes any sense at all. It is a quite effortless thing for me, actually, because I do not pressure myself with time tables and deadlines. I am looking for the ultimate expression of myself in all that I do, even if that sounds quite exhausting. It is not. I guess I am saying my Intent does the work and I just follow along with whatever its design is.
But there is another part of me which only views, like a third party watching from a distance, the things I am doing as they progress but not really looking at me doing it. This "other" is viewing what I am viewing and, of course, does not participate in the activity. It is a watcher, an analyser and an appreciator, so to speak. This other part, this heightened state of awareness, is me and it also is not. Sure, in my heightened state Tommy Two Feathers spends hours looking at what Tom T. has done, soaking up the energy stored within the action of the "doing". Sometimes T2F sits back on this or that bench or chair and studies the panorama of Tommy's backyard work office area and all the detail placed there, the energy of Tommy's vision as it awakened his tonal. T2F vibrates in the Nagual presence of what is being captured in the two seperate attentions on the one physical being. Can you see it, feel it, Daphne? Two "beings" living one simultaneous life energy as doer and observer, totally aware of each other's existence in and out of time, in and out of physicality, yet intermingled in a seperate second attention beyond thought-presence itself, being its own Self, alive and all-inclusive. Or are there just too many words which I just crammed in altogether here?
What I am alluding to is that there are two us, each of us. We are a mindfulness, a mirror of what "we are doing". We are also doers in distinct no-thought activities when we "get lost" in what we are doing, like a walking meditation, so to speak. We are a personality (i.e., ego) and we are an all-inclusive entity (i.e., an energy form). One has emotions and the other not. One, in a Nagual sense, is not-doing while is other is the ordinary Tonal, doing awareness. Most of the time folk never see the distinction between the two, always trapped in some mental scenario involving what they call "luck" or "chance" or something. They are not aware of the control that can be had of ones' life if both sides of the person, the first and second attentiions, can be brought to bear upon perception. In other words, Dear, they miss the symphony going on entirely. They just don't hear it. They say shit like, "Oh, well, I'm here. Just another day of the same old crap. What's the point, we're gonna die, anyway. Ho-hum." Whatever!
I watch myself watching myself. I do things in a non-self way, being only the activity. I make the time for quietness and the times for laughter and also time to just work at my life. I know T2F is there on top the picnic table that Tom T. sweat while hammering together. I am Tom T. as I flip T2F "the bird" because I know he might just be my imagination or maybe my greater self. I am, WE ARE, much more than the sum of these two parts because I walk on the edge of life because I need to always strain ever so more intently at that symphony of everywhere.
Have I lost you yet? Ask your double and I'll ask mine. Which one am I now, as I type?
Does it matter? It surely must, don't you think?
t
