What I see, is you acting as a bully.
That's not really a feeling Nik, but I think we get the picture of how you feel, except for one thing...
Can I ask I ask you a question:
Do you laugh at yourself any...time?
Yes, in short. Much to the annoyance of my friends, I find my self, and everyone's self, a source of great mirth. I say to the annoyance of my friends, because I was born with a Monty Python sense of humour, which, for some strange reason, is not shared by most of the world. In other words I laugh at absurdity, of myself and the world. But what I don't find a source of great mirth, is my intent.
What you call a bully, is actually your contact with my intent. And I can assure you, that is a rare thing, because a forum like this is one of the few places I ever allow people to see my intent. And you are being generous to call it a 'bully' - I wouldn't use such a tame word for it.
So let me ask you a question now Nik. I know you have spoken of that lofty, nebulous concept of freedom in which we all indulge, but really, in prosaic terms, what do you want from life? In your heart, what kind of things do you long for? I know about your relationship with a partner, which is fine, but even with a partner, you have to do something, go somewhere, become something etc - you can't just sit facing each other. It has to be a partnership
towards something. What direction is your desire for this life?