another karmic lover
about 4 years ago . i was in a cafe . it was hot , i was sweating . there was a woman sitting at a single table against the wall . she was wearing black .
I could not see her face .
as i was hot i did not wan't to bother her by sitting directly in front of her . as i would block her view and we would have been left facing each other .
i sat behind her .
it was very peculiar in that i could not see her face , yet my body was picking up something unavoidable , that i knew her and that i "had" to talk to her .
i just had to .
as with many things , i crossed that thresh hold , wondering what i was going to do , not even knowing what she looked like ,
yet being pushed energetically to interact without any delay and absolutely.
Her name was Joanne and she was beautiful . and a little shy .
after we dined in the same place and after wards went for some cake and coffee elsewhere , i walked her back to her place she was staying and kissed her on the cheek goodnight.
until we saw each other again and met up the next day and later she flew back down to the city.
later i went out of my way to visit her .
i had stayed a couple nights , and she had told me a lot of her life .
it was obvious that we knew each other from lifetimes before or some such , she even cried and asked me why i had taken so long to find her, even hinting that i was too late.
she had been through the court system with an abusive partner who had done horrendous battery to her .
although this she was amazing in so many ways .
she had sense where i had found so many women did not . she was sensible.
she wore clothes that i really liked , she and i trained together both enjoying keeping healthy , and we enjoyed dining out together and seemed to enjoy the same dreams in life .
mostly we felt absolutely comfortable together like it was comfortable beyond compare and meant to be . that is the point that is hard to describe , my body knew this even before i saw her face.
her psychic friend had told her i was coming and to trust me , that i would never hurt her , regard to her previous trauma , she had described my car , and everything before hand too .
when i met this friend she had to sit down , before she could talk to me because it had blown her away in that moment.
she said " a good match but different streams" when we met.
all in all it was quite amazing how we had come together and how it felt.
one day when we were just getting to know each other , we went to the park to have a barbecue for lunch ..
i held her hand , and we would sit in the market and drink coffee , staring at each other while the world stopped around us , our bubble of intensity was so great ,
people wold just stop and stare , and light up inside when the would see us together , they'd melt .
one day while we were just getting to know each other , we went to the park to have a barbecue lunch.
after a while Joanne became tired , she needed to lay down , so she did on the ground on a cloth.
i lay there with her watching the clouds .
she seemed so tired she could not keep up . she said she had a chronic sleep condition .
the more i got to know her in the small time , the more i found her trauma had affected her life . after her crying and wanting to trust me ,
it was quickly becoming obvious that something was wrong .
she was so very beautiful too , i worried about her walking to the train station in to go to work down the dingy back alley like street where the truck drivers would park there trucks to rest in them , and the back of industrial type businesses.
after a while she began to give me the impression of a murder victim, i know as bizarre as that sounds , that was the timid and feeling of being vulnerable i received off of her.
i really loved her so deeply , in such a short amount of time this lifetime , that what came next was absolutely shattering to me at that time .
her eyes would turn dark , as though she was completely gone , and something had stepped in , she would demand that i was doing something to her , when i was only playing around ,
or began to get ideas in her head about what was going on with us ,
and rather than see the magic that was unfolding , she would focus on these ideas which were not happening .
when she accused me of them , because i felt so deeply for her i was devastated .
i called her friend even the psychic , and she told me also she understood because of the past trauma , and would try to speak to her .
it was so surreal , having that dream shattered that i did not know whether to laugh or cry with what was going on with her.
here was a woman involved in helping with welfare as a psychologist as with so many other affected women ,yet having suffered her own trauma .
i had no choice but to leave , she had also told me , the police man from the court case with her ex , had became her new boyfriend after wards , playing that savior role i imagine only .
later saying he had abused her , only in an intellectual way ,
all the time seeing how the drama was playing out myself , and how it was occurring .
i had pushed her playfully in the bedroom , and it had triggered something dark one day .
next after i had left after a few text messages , nothing offensive just trying to sort things out , mostly disbelief , and you must be kidding ,
she said she would call the police if i kept texting her .
it was so bizarre and sad to see somebody "my somebody" so messed up that she could not see me only the past trauma , perhaps she felt safer to get rid of me i don't know.
i never spoke to her after that text again . it stopped me completely to how serious this was going on .
i just found her photo when sorting the skype out just now .
she was one of these such karmic lovers i have come across. perhaps i will get to the end of the karmic trail , and find the new version . "with awareness, and resilience"
