But I also know that at times when I am confronted by death in situations that happen quickly and I have no control - like when a passenger in a car that is spinning out of control - my body relaxes and I 'collect' myself without a trace of rage. I go very calm and secretly excited.
Indeed. This accurately describes my experience as well these days, as well as a lot of other things you said below. When I talk about "raging" against death, it is an "intellectual" or stalker's rage - not the emotional bruhaha that only drags one into a state of helpless lack of control. I rage against death in the same way I would rage against any injustice which we are asked to blindly accept without questioning.
This raises the question: "Oh my god, does Della think Death is an injustice?" You betcha I do! Reason being... I think that is quite probably the reaction we
need to have in order to wage our strategy for slipping past the eagle, or whatever anyone cares to call it.
Dying.
The razor's edge between awareness and oblivion.
As I see it, it has taken me about 10 billion years to become who/what I am. 10 billion years of a cycling of molecules, a mixing of cells, a dance of sperm and egg. And, having achieved "awareness," it is not something I intend to "surrender" just because certain religions or schools of thought try to tell us we will live again, or it's a "natural" cycle, or whatever the platitude-du-jour may be. *heh* That's another aspect of what I mean when I say death itself may be yet another program (the biggest one of all) put onto us since long before we were born. The moment we accept ANY definition or explanation that is not wholly our own is the minute we succumb to the program, even if it doesn't play out for years to come. We place our "expectations" (the sum total of our other programming) onto some
idea of death... and we move toward that "inevitability", whether it actually
is inevitable or not. And, in doing so, we fall into the lethal trap of creating our own reality.
It is important to know when to fight death, and when to stop resisting, to open out with eyes wide - to give oneself to death without surrendering. Words fail.
Yup - I wholly agree. I would say for my own personal mindset, however, that the only time this will occur is when the semi has crashed through the windshield at 90 mph or the piano from that second floor window has actually crushed my skull. *heh* Until we are dead, we are still alive. And as long as I'm alive, it is my choice (made with total awareness) to take the approach that death is a tulpa I have created to stalk me, just as I stalk myself with his input. A dark and dangerous tango forever spinning at the crack between the worlds.
Now, this brings me back to what Ellen said about death and the double perhaps being the same. There's certainly an element of truth in that, particularly if we have set it up that way. The double may serve as the seducer - the lover who comes to us at our last breath and says, simply, "Let go. I've been here all along." And in letting go, we shift our awareness from the mortal self into the eternal double... death and life, all at the same time. We would go willingly to our lover, without fear, and that, to me, is one of the most crucial roles the double plays in the process of our evolution.
I feel I have dropped the rage, yet I make myself a very difficult target, with determination and attitude. I suppose you could say I fight death tooth and nail with intelligence, seriousness and cold blood.
Indeed. My approach as well. Better watch out, Michael. *heh* You say you're a dreamer, but that ruthlessness you're describing is the backbone of a master stalker.
Great discussion!