I don't remember having experienced something like this, but there was a very stressful time in my life when i was very ill and no one seemed to notice or care. I was eleven and couldn't ask help either, i just thought i'm a freak and other people also treated me as a freak. So I had some weird shifts, one i remember is i saw some colorful lines connecting everything to everything. I can almost remember how natural this seemed, but when i thought about it later, it seemed weird, like how could these lines connect things to eachother. Also i remeber this certain thought from this periond, that everything is one. I think i must have had some experiences which i have forgotten.
These are 'preliminary experiences'. Typically there are numerous such experiences.
The 'ticket purchasing' however is a little different. Usually there has to be some way to arrange these preliminary experiences in a meaningful way. Finally, we have what I call the 'first enlightenment'. This is a moment, most likely after such an experience, when we realise something switches inside us.
In an instant, we realise there is nothing else we want to do with our life except explore further the mystery that has been revealed to us through these preliminary experiences. At that point, we instinctively dedicate ourselves to the Path - inspite of the fact we know nothing about what that means.
Something deep inside awakens, and we remember who we are and why we are alive. This is all on a 'sensing' level, and it takes many years for our mind to catch up and join in usefully.
It is much like we instantly see ourselves for the first time on a road in a vast landscape. We know that road is our road, and walk it we will, either sooner or later, now or in the future. Once the ticket has been bought, it never expires.
Yet we can choose to waste much time in uneasy false beliefs that satisfaction will come from other paths. Uncooked seeds, that have to be thoroughly recognised as empty and futile. No words can convince us, we have to spend endless precious energy and time in proving to ourselves that there is only one path for us, and the sooner we get to it, the happier we will be.
We are all such idiots, but please don't spend more time than necessary in spiritless roads and roadhouses.
Taimi, you are a grumpy bitch because inside, you know why you have found yourself here, but you refuse to accept your fate. You keep looking to the world to make you happy, and because it can't, you have the arrogance to call yourself bored. There is only one path that will give you satisfaction, and it won't come to you on a plate - you will have to work harder than you have ever worked for anything in your life. There is no room for spoilt brats on this path - when you feel tired and irritable, that's precisely when you have to apply yourself to all the theories and practices that litter this forum.
You shoved your ticket into your back pocket, and tried to buy some others instead. Sorry, it won't work. Get that ticket out of your back pocket and show you can earn the privilege of having received it. Every time you want to complain, reach around to your back pocket and feel for that ticket.
Boredom is sound of spirit knocking - it means stop and sit absolutely still. Don't try to escape it.
