Topic: Story sake

[runningstream]

Thanks Nichi

T.C. Marcia is tearing down the coast causing all sorts of chaos

and we never even got a drop of rain where i am

[runningstream]

i watched an old western movie last night in the middle of the night

at one point clint eastwood rides into the neighboring camp of indians who are going to kill them in their small homestead
soon


he speaks to the painted faced chief he is surrounded by warriors upon his horse


he speaks with the chief and uses the terms "death face and living face "

as he describes his words and intentions


he is come and is prepared to die


ultimately his words match his intentions


the indian chief speaks of the double tongued blue coats who say one thing and do another



in the Case of Clint Eastwood he is respected as he comes prepared to die for the truth he speaks to them

his words are one with his action


the Chief recognises this and lets him live also become he too has stood against the blue coats



in that moment of putting it on the line i realised what it was that is spoke as the direct link which Don Juan speaks of as death as advisor

it is moving with that truth

[runningstream]

Sophia pretty much hates me now

the way i see it is i call her an asshole when shes being one

and she treats me like an asshole when im not

rembering negative details for convenience


i sleep for maybe an hour first stretch as my leg does not really let me for too long

tonight only a half hour

then i can be awake for maybe three

then maybe another two of sleep before the pain wakes me up and after a few more hours go back and try again


Sophia say she woke up and i was standing at the end of her bed this morning

and then after a moment she blinked and i dissapeared

i dreamed she was with me in a room

there was a little flying


i was killing people

i grabbed one guy and pushed him between a gap in the door and snapped his body in half

i have had a few rough dreams at the moment

those kind of dreams i don't usually have any more since i quit security work

maybe its the drugs too

i dont know



there is something else


loneliness feeling alone


for some reason it feels beautiful


like a primal honesty of sad innocense



maybe i was and am addicted to this in my life

this beautiful sadness

so honest and alone

[runningstream]

ok no she just loves me with her cranky face

she says i am a little child and does'nt hate me because i am not normal like every body else

i appeal to her child too and tell her we "they" should run off together and tell the serious adult "asshole"

to go away


i went to physio for the first time

got in and out a car

was quite good successful they said i should be bending  it to 30 degrees i got it to 20 degrees today so i was pretty happy with that

they gave me things to do so i have focus now

it was so nice to see the sun outside after 25 days

and the green grass

it made my whole being smile

i was so happy sitting  sideways across the backseat of the car

every looking so vibrant

i cant wait to get back into everything again

i also focus on my course online

and getting the other side of things straight

getting affairs in order

[runningstream]

http://youtu.be/5y_KJAg8bHI

[runningstream]

she says

" do you know when we met it was like i got hit by lightening , it was like i had new blood running in my veins ?"

and then she falls asleep again

the more i try to waking her the more she sleeps

it is like a cosmic joke that is sickening

a turn out that does "nt turn out

so i will be walking

sooner than i can walk as it turns out

its part of the turn out

[runningstream]

perhaps i will write something then

about seeds and growth

about retaining water

about the ocean that the boat heads towards


about the jilted love

to be able to argue about any old nothing in particular takes

time

going backwards


about the wooden pier

that launched the voyage


ideals

acceptance and unacceptables


loss of feeling due to feelings lost


action and stagnation



about water

and the staring at puddles

[runningstream]

i have ran away

been ran out

running water


facing the harsh wind

feeling alive


not a step backwards either side


so its a mexican stare off

and walk off


walking forwards


today my leg feels the best yet


i have mastered beginning quite a few frightening new tasks


things that would otherwise seem ordinary


like getting in and out a car


and gaining movement where old movement has become seized


the clouds looked particularly beautiful

the farms


the horizon is wide


a willy wagtail comes drinks from the bucket often

even dips in for a bath a few times to my surprise of its daring aquatic skills


kind people i found


surprising me again as always

blessed i am


doors close doors open


loss and finding strength

[runningstream]

i had a couple strange dreams this sleep just been


in one my mother is there

she is telling me how she is feeling ill

that she is sick or that she was still getting sicker

of course she died over 2 years ago now


i began to recite the latin benedictine or whatever it is a few lines that go like this

i said three lines


nominus e patre

a spirit a sante


you know the one


in the dream when i said it to her the blessing i was kneeled at her feet looking up



the next thing i did was said



"you are whole "


"now go be whole "



as i said this the whole dream popped as though a veil lifted from her and the scene


it popped a couple times in succession


something came off the texture of the vision and was removed

a constricting shade came away and it was lighter

[Nichi]

i had a couple strange dreams this sleep just been


in one my mother is there

she is telling me how she is feeling ill

that she is sick or that she was still getting sicker

of course she died over 2 years ago now


i began to recite the latin benedictine or whatever it is a few lines that go like this

i said three lines


nominus e patre

a spirit a sante


you know the one


in the dream when i said it to her the blessing i was kneeled at her feet looking up



the next thing i did was said



"you are whole "


"now go be whole "



as i said this the whole dream popped as though a veil lifted from her and the scene


it popped a couple times in succession


something came off the texture of the vision and was removed

a constricting shade came away and it was lighter

That sounds very positive, runningstream. Good to have the opportunity to assist her.

[runningstream]

yes it felt that way       

[runningstream]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trinitarian_formula

"in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti),"

[runningstream]

so well have the cake and eat it too 


presented with a wonderful opportunity

feeling it coming through in waves


its building


its in the moon



frustration like a lion that roars beneath the surface

it would walk strongly in a certain direction


knowing nothing yet sensing everything and finding knowing as it walks


like it will rip the skin jacket from the human if it does not bear witness to what it should


the eagle is it the connection to what must be done standing on the shoulder as a companion

that knows the way



have been given a golden opportunity

feel it coming through in waves


it knows the way


it will drag me by my boot straps now


same as it always did


who am i to stop such a cascade


and why should or would i 


the wind calls


the sun wants to get into everything


the moon wants for dreaming me in the water


the skys blue is beyond compare



and i am going to take as many as i can with me to the sky




simply by letting myself free


the words cant do what is going to happen next


for how long to fly before the next obstacle catches the eye

[runningstream]

my leg is moving much better

i am excited to be single and gaining freedom through movement

of body spirit and horizons

i am learning patience

with people they are like children with wonky legs themselves who can barely stand sometimes too


and yet they help me and do the right thing

if my eyes face correctly i can transform them just by being

true

the ping of the engine that does not falter

the genuine

[runningstream]

and so it goes with god

a lot of sitting around

temperate climate controlled living

patterns of function

watching the world move around you

moving the world around you after getting used to moving within the world


the effects can be just as great


a moment in time within the right place

to move with or somethings


moving moving are we even moving


its one of those silly questions that make no sense only in some

wishy washy way


you know the gravity that gains ground on a backwards revolution it feels to me anyway


a foot on the accelerator and were off again


feeling no stress for the conventions of cycles gaining speed and the hum drum should it bore me i feel comfortable

making others comfortable within their own


anger at sounds that penetrate

like speaking incessently about silence

to its own distaste


two strings pulling against each other


it passed i ask and what was that


or "who was that "


the dog barks repeatedly


people balance out


the two strings begin to resonate


their humility and honesty even looking me in the eyes with an honest sigh